Do you see a therapist?
I do cause it seems like the list of things for me to be worried about just gets longer and longer.
shareI have on and off for the past 10 years. I like it because sometimes it's the only objective ear I have access to.
When you're close to people, they can have a very biased view or lean a little one way or another instead of just listening. For example, I have one friend who, every time I have an argument with someone we both know, she is never on my side no matter what. She even asks me what I did to make them mad and my motives, instead of questioning them and their behaviour.
It's not for everyone, and it isn't always necessary, but when you gotta, you gotta.
I hear you. I had to send a letter to a friend to remind her she and I had always gotten along and this had nothing to do with us. She began to say hi to me again after I had been banned from sitting at her favorite table at the bar for no effing good reason. Sorry if your situation continues.
shareThanks for the concern.
What happened between you guys?
I dated a woman and we had a circle of friends. We broke up and had a disagreement and she got pissed and started telling people I was a jerk. Of course that's not how I see it, but regardless, this has nothing to do with these people but for some reason they listened to her and took her side. At least with one person I knew where she lives and I sent a polite letter reminding her we had always been friends and I was surprised as an adult she wouldn't see through her shenanigans.
As far as my jerkiness goes, as I was sitting with a couple women, including the one I wrote the letter to, my ex decided to sit at the table we were at, unbidden. She didn't acknowledge me (fine) and sat there pretending to read a magazine and after a few minutes left without saying anything to anyone, just that stupid smile she plasters on her self-satisfied face. Later I felt she was proving she was free to sit anywhere she chooses which I thought was disrespectful and callous toward me. She was the one who screwed up our relationship. I realized I was wearing a t-shirt we had bought together at Kingston Mines in Chicago. I got pissed and put the shirt and a couple others she had given me and left them in a box on her porch along with $40. We broke up because she had borrowed $$ and got angry because I asked her why she hadn't been in contact with me for a week especially after borrowing $$. I imagine she might have done all this intentionally to provoke a fight. So she sent me $20 to cover various debts and I said this has nothing to do with $$ so I gave her $40 in return. Eventually I gave her a total of $200 after she had never spoken a word to me. She always took it without argument. So I gave back everything I could think of that was associated with her, just to show my unhappiness with her attitude toward me.
Needless to say, we are not friends.
That's pretty messy. I'm sorry for you. I'm always very upfront with friends, especially when they start dating or toying with the idea of dating. I tell them whose side I'll be on if they break up, or whether I'm willing to choose sides at all - as an adult, frankly I think choosing sides when you're friends with both is kinda juvenile. If you're more friends with one than the other, or if you only become friends with a person because they date your close friend, it's generally a given that you'll take your initial friend's side, but not always. And like I said, I always state where my allegiance lies from the get go.
I don't know why you ended up parting with the money, tbh, but sorry for your literal economic loss as well.
The money is not a big deal. It was my way of saying What Is Important To You? It was a test as to whether she would continue to keep it or turn it down. But then she would have had to interact with me, plus she's never had enough cash to keep her in pot and beer and keeping up with her kitties. You know people who can't make it to the next payday without borrowing $$ ? Asking Mom (her landlord) to not expect the rent or help pay a bill? That's her.
Mostly I didn't expect her to open up her fat mouth to people. She doesn't tell them what SHE'S guilty of, just what she doesn't like about me. I thought she'd at least conduct herself with dignity. Wrong !
Good that the relationship ended, then - just sad way to end things.
shareI'm sorry for focusing so much on myself. I hope you are doing well. Nothing in your posts indicates you are having too much difficulty currently. If you have something you'd like to share, please do.
shareNah, don't stress, I'm always fine. As someone who's been through a lot of bs, not much phases me anymore, but therapy is a nice extra ear or, in my case, sometimes the only ear. Hope you're good also.
share