I met him.
The following story is true. I was sitting in King Taco with my girlfriend, killing some time before the movie started. We had just starting eating when a group of guys came in, laughing their asses off. There were about five of them. I recognized Ethan immediately, but couldn't remember what movies I had seen him in. My girlfriend remembered The Butterfly Effect, because she had told me after watching it that she never wanted to watch that movie again. A minute later, I remembered My Name is Earl and Boy Meets World.
They sit down about two tables away from us, waiting for their food. In my head I'm thinking, It would be cool to go talk to him. I don't care about autographs, but actually talking to a celeb is nice. Especially if they're down to earth. I had no intention of bothering him though. He was out with friends and about to eat.
They are still laughing. One of the guys is laughing so hard that he's balanced in the fetal position on his seat. He's trying to hold in his laughter, but every ten seconds or so, a loud yelp or cluck escapes from his lips. He sounds like he's possessed by some kind of chicken demon. Ethan's laughing, not as hard though. Just then, Ethan stops laughing and looks dead at me.
OK. I had no idea what to do. I didn't want this guy to think I had been staring at him the whole time. So I just waved and said, "Hey. What's up? You're Ethan Suplee, right?" He didn't answer. He didn't even blink. He just looked at me. Then he says, "Give me your fucking taco." I still had a taco left, untouched. Again, I had no idea what to say. Was he serious?
One of his friends broke the silence by saying, "We've got tacos on the way, man! All you can eat!" That caused the group to erupt in laughter again. Ethan had turned his attention back to his friends and began to laugh along with them. It was if it had never happened. My girlfriend finally spoke. "What the fuck was that all about?" she said in a lowered voice. I just looked at her, shrugged and took a sip of my drink.
A few minutes later, I had to go to the restroom. They had gotten their order and were trying to eat. It seemed none of them could stop laughing long enough to actually eat. I walked to the restroom, still thinking about the surreal moment that had happened earlier. I did my thing, washed my hands and came back. My girlfriend was just coming back from getting us a refill.
I was just about to ask her what time the movie started when I noticed my taco was gone. Before I went to the restroom, I still had half a chicken burrito and a taco left. The only thing left was the half eaten burrito. I asked my gf, "Did you throw my taco away?" She said no. "Why would I throw away your taco and not throw away the rest of your burrito?" I looked over at Ethan's table. He was staring at me again, grinning like a madman with a taco in his hand.
"Are you fucking serious?" I asked? My gf grabbed my hand and said, "Let's go, please." She hates any kind of conflict, so I got up to leave. As we reached the door, I heard Ethan say, "Muchos gracious for the taco, senior'." I looked back and they all started laughing like mental patients again.
Anyway, that's my Ethan Suplee story. I have no idea what they were on. My guess would be acid. That part I don't care about. Shit. You're an actor with plenty of money. Live it up! But why the fuck would you steal someone's food and brag about it to their face? I felt like he wanted me to fight him or something. It would have been 5 on 1 though.
Keep making movies Ethan. I'll still watch them, I guess. But I want my fucking taco back.