500 Things I Learned from Harold and Maude

1) The only method of suicide that works is poison tablets.
2) Cars are disposable and freely available on the street.
3) If you learn to play the banjo you will find the meaning of life.
4) Going to funerals is a great way to "hook up".
5) Storing items in water ensures their safekeeping for later retrieval.
6) It's generally easier to get rid of a car than it is to park it.
7) Laws in society are only general guidelines and following them is not required.
8) If you play a Cat Stevens song an epiphany will soon follow.
9) Turning a regular car into a hearse is not only possible, it's so easy that an unskilled 19 year old can do it perfectly.
10) The proper procedure to die is to wait until you are almost 80 and then have sex with someone 1/4 your age in a final ritual that involves post coital bubble blowing, and then proceed to commit suicide.
11) The laws of physics do not actually apply to driving.
12) Death is funny until it's real.
13) Mothers are like vending machines for girlfriends and cars.
14) Joining the army is a process whereby you demonstrate your disqualification based on insanity and then don't join.
15) Drinking tea will make you start to like a woman four times your age.