100 Things I learned while watching Vacation - National Lampoon's Vacation (1983) Discussion

[–] stevenackerman69 13 years ago

6. You are never too young to go steady and french kiss.
7. When you get to an empty parking lot, park always far away so you run to the entrance to the Chariots of Fire theme.
8. Check a theme park before you go so you know if it will be open or not.
9. Some motorcycle cops are real mad when you kill a dog.
10. It is great to have a cousin who can introduce you to weed.

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[–] tamijo 13 years ago

11. Fruit cake makes Aunt Edna throw up every 5 minutes
12. Normie was always flighty
13. BBs can lodge under the skin and cause a nasty infection
14. The plate in Eddie's head isn't big enough
15. As soon as the baby comes, Catherine can quit one of her night jobs

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[–] arbilab 13 years ago

16. Don't die unless there's somebody home.
17. All new cars do that.
18. Roy Wally wouldn't do that for his kids.
19. You can "use" nudie books.
20. Not without a major credit card.

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[–] tamijo 13 years ago

21. Clark sure as he11 can't take a hint
22. We like to send out a mailer
23. When you trade in, they flatten your old car into a pancake
24. Don't pack the top of the car while it's still in the garage
25. Watch them freeways

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[–] dkgambler 13 years ago

26. Be careful talking to the bartender at Dodge City... he's an ornery cuss.

27. White hot women in Ferraris dig husbands driving station wagons.

28. If someone in your traveling party dies while on the trip, no big deal. Just drop him/her off at a relative's house.

29. Popular theme parks close for maintenance during the summer, presumably because crowds are smaller then.

30. It's possible to be so hungry you crave a sandwich from a gas station.

31. Black guys from west Chicago go to East St. Louis for vacation.

32. Auto dealerships destroy trade ins for scrap value only, and do not resell them.

33. No one figures out how to masturbate on their own. Your friends need to tell you how to bop your baloney.

34. Old people are adaptable; dog piss on a sandwich is just fine.

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[–] meleny_um 13 years ago

35. Animal cruelty laws are probably pretty stiff...unless you say it was negligence.
36. The moose out front will tell you.
37. Wyatt Earp wore jogging shoes.
38. Being a farmer isn't too cool...but sometimes it is.
39. You become a man when you bop your bologna.
40. Dead people can breathe on you.
41. The Grand Canyon is the biggest goddamn hole in the world.
42. Car crashes cause: bloody noses, stabbed brains and the onset of periods.
43. Buying toys and watching movies means you are owed admission to a theme park.
44. The pinnacle of having fun is whistling zip-a-dee-doo-dah out of your aszho.le.
45. Go for it, you go only around this crazy merry-go-round once. (Your wife will forgive you.)
46. Getting there is half the fun.

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[–] doowopfan 13 years ago

47. When you're really hungry nothing can satisfy it more than a sandwich from the gas station (btw, when I'm hungry I say "I'm so hungry I could eat a sandwich from the gas station." Sometimes people get it.)

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I did sixty in five minutes once...

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[–] arbilab 13 years ago

48 Getting there is half the fun, you know that.
49 Roy Wally knows that smell from the back seat.
50 If somebody doesn't explain there'll be a lot of explaining to do.

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[–] falling_into_darkness 13 years ago

51. Being a pig farmer isn't too cool, you know.
52. Frankly without her social security we would never be able to live like this.
53. Never get ready to take a bite out of your hamburger helper burger when Aunt Edna is telling you you're driving her to Phoenix. Apparently, she thinks that's good news.
54. A cool one means giving your relative a used beer while opening a new one for yourself.
55. No eating in the car.
56. Don't die unless somebody's home.
57. Nothing worthwhile is easy.
58. A dishwasher is just for looks, especially while it's open and you're putting dirty dishes back in the cabinets.

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[–] caseycky 13 years ago

59. when the swat team shows up they let you fraternize with the victim.
60. the brady law does not apply to BB gun ownership
61. when you hold up an amusement park security guard to take your family on the rides you do NOT need anyone to start or stop the rides. the magically go by themselves.

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[–] nutsberryfarm 10 years ago

134. always drive on the right side of the road.

The circulation of confidence is better than the circulation of money.-James Madison

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[–] spasek 13 years ago

62. "Asteroids" are terrible...can't even sit on the toilet some days.
63. If daddy says you're the best at French kissing, then he has to be right.
64. A car jump can start your period.

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[–] Ditto-head 13 years ago

65) If your dad's getting pulled over, make Aunt Edna hold your dope.

66) Clark's always good for another 100 miles.

67) Clark owns this hotel, but he used to be in the CIA

68) Those people in the station wagon are not Clark's family.

69) Ellen has an uncanny knack for seeing the dark side of things.

70) Don't have your car serviced at a station owned by the local sheriff.

71) City cousins aren't impressed with a worm farm.

72) It's always wise to check the temperature of the pool water before diving in buck naked.

73) The IRS goes after dirt poor farmers like flies on a rib roast.

74) The Grand Canyon is only the biggest GD hole in the world... after Aunt Edna, anyway.

75) When they close roads, they put up a big sign- like that one

76) Cousin Normie is a jackal

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[–] arorashadow_2003 13 years ago

77) $35 includes scenery and wildlife fun.
78) The penalty for animal cruelty is probably pretty stiff
79) Edna must have passed somewhere near Flag Staff

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[–] topfueler 13 years ago

80. It costs 5 dollars for directions, but don't expect change for a 10
81. You can plan everything very carefully so you can be at an amusement park first thing Saturday morning, even though you are staring at awesome boobies
82. If you tie a dog to the rear bumper, he can probably keep up with you for a mile or so
83. You can order fish from a swimming waitress in a hotel pool
84. Real tomato ketchup is nothing but the best
85. When a dog gets the runs, they usually sleep in the barn

Coffee is for Closers

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[–] Andy4444 12 years ago

86. If you wander the desert looking for a gas station, some Indians on horseback will call you an a-hole.
87. Christy Brinkley has always been super hot.

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[–] donkeytonkman 12 years ago

88. To bop my bologna (while thinking of Dana Barron)
89. TO make a fruitcake that'll kill someone instead of making someone just sick.

Hoo woo woo woo, do it hit hit, Gitter! Ooo ooo ott too OOO! Snuffer eet HOO doo!

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[–] topaz1865 12 years ago

90. You can fall asleep while behind the wheel driving your family to the hotel & wake up just in time without crashing.

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[–] arbilab 12 years ago

91. The price of 4 bald tires and a tow in Arizona is $500 (1983 dollars).

92. Might as well not ask Davenport, he doesn't know.

93. Clark gets plenty of meat at home.

94. Dinkums watches Family Feud. (Well, not any more.)

95. Aunt Edna is not OK. She's dead.

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[–] Megzyloo 12 years ago

96. Dinky bites.

97. Clark jumped the station wagon 50 yards.

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[–] In_Correct 12 years ago

89. Hitting the counter opens the cash register.

99. SWAT Team loves roller coaster rides.

100. They don't close Florida.

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[–] kassandra227 12 years ago

Bonus teachings:

101. not only does an auto dealership crush your trade-in for scrap, they do it before you've closed your deal for your new vehicle.

102. fake former CIA agents wear white patent leather loafers in hotel bars in arizona.

103. always check the pool before checking into a campsite in colorado.

104. if you have to pee in the desert, just find a bush.

105. the unpleasant old aunt must sleep in the tent which smells.

106. SWAT team leaders define "terrorists" as a husband, wife and two adolescent kids.

107. If a dog bites you, bit it back.

"we'll make our own tripods ... ours will have four legs" - Oliver, Scary Movie 4

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[–] MrsMonroe74 12 years ago

108) an amusement park is more important than someone dying.

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[–] eaglemountainrr 12 years ago

109) Colorado cabin resorts like to send out a mailer.

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[–] featherlanedrive 9 years ago

 I was just going to write this. You have save me time from doing so this weekend.
Poor Aunt Edna.

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[–] MrsMonroe74 12 years ago

110. rusty belives having a son doesn't count as having a family of ur own.

111. owners die soon after their pets.

112. wear sunglasses after smoking weed- even if u don't inhale

rofl@#33

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[–] arbilab 10 years ago

113. You don't suppose Roy Walley has any kids? Are you kidding? He has 7 of them. And he looks so young.
114. Diaphragms in lost luggage can't be replaced.
115. Motels have naked swimming waitresses.
116. The old west was dirty and touristy.
117. On an Apple II, pacman can eat a truckster.
118. The gas tank of a truckster is NOT under the license plate.
119. Ellen wouldn't know a good time if it came up and bit her.
120. Clark doesn't like to talk about working for the CIA.

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[–] LadyLovie 12 years ago

113.) when the irs is after u. best reply is-"aw *beep* it." lol

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domestic abuse at it's best

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[–] n1evh 12 years ago

114) If a vanity case falls off of a car... everything in it can be replaced... except for your wife's diaphragm.

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[–] LadyLovie 12 years ago

115.) next time someone asks u for directions say-"hey *beep* yo mama."
hahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

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domestic abuse at it's best

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[–] funky-rat 11 years ago

116) Directions aren't free, but if you go to the sign that says "Rib Tips"...well...no...don't do that. If you find the Torino with no wheels, they'll hook you up.

117) Green Wall Tires and Honky Lips artwork don't cost extra!

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[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] virgiltx 11 years ago

118. An elderly, cantankerous, obnoxious woman, can be pretty funny, if she just happens to be a comedy legend to begin with.

119. If a mysterious, beautiful, turned-on blonde stranger nudges an underage male, on a motel balcony, at night, if it's an American movie rather than a European movie, then it doesn't mean anything, and nothing will come of it, on screen anyway.

120. Cousin Eddie turned out to be the real deal.

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[–] scout6179 11 years ago

121. Who’s the moose-y-ist moose you know? Marty Moose.

122. Jumping a car 50 yards is nothing to be proud of.

123. “O” is for; O gosh, O golly, O gee!

124. The Wagon Queen Family Truckster came in ‘Metallic Pea’

125. The song ‘Mockingbird’ sounds made up.

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[–] miguelangel-23 11 years ago

126. In 1983 you were able play Mrs. pac-man with the family truckster.
127. Is okay not to have a tongue as long as you whistle like a bird and eat like a horse.
128. Rusty sleeps in his underwear.
129. Not to ever load the roof of the wagon while still inside the garage.
130. To find out where is the gas tank before you buy a new car.

Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?

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[–] dharez2002 10 years ago

131 Cousin Vicki is a farmer grower of pot
131. Driving a Family Truckster well while sleeping can lead you to a good hotel
132. 37 bucks to rent 3 tents
133 Cash from hotel and replacing it with a check
134. Ghetto take your rims after giving 10 bucks for direction
135. Not looking for missing luggage, when it constantly falls off
136. Edna enjoying sandwiches from dog wetting the picket basket
137. Cousin Eddie swindle Clark over $20,000 for cost of living
138. 25 cent vibrator bed
139. Trip to visit the ghetto

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[–] MrsMonroe74 9 years ago

lol@ 131

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