How a child would write a movie script
This movie really does make me think how they arrived at the story.
Stories are usually structured so that the experiencer (viewer/reader/listener/receiver/etc.) understands what is happening, why it's happening and why we arrived at all this happening.
Writing that way, however, requires an adult mind that understands reasons, consequences, and that 'magic', 'nanotechnology' and 'science' are bad ways to explain out-of-the-ordinary happenstances and effects (multiple meanings of the word).
Some people even talk about 'because'-writing instead of 'and then' writing.
This movie is definitely the latter type.
If you imagine a little boy hopped up on sugar rush, trying to imagine an exciting story, this movie is what you get.
"So, a guy goes to watch a .. a.. WRESTLING MATCH! Yeah, yeah, then he gets bored in five seconds and goes to this gloomy parking carage with looots of cars, and and... then someone tries to kill him! With a gun? No, too boring, ooh, a SWORD! Yeah, someone tries to cut his HEAD OFF, because that is the coolest thing you can do with a sword, ha ha ha, then SAMURAI SWORDS!! and lightning and storms and ALL CARS TURN ON and and explosions and POWER AND Hahaha SO EXCITING!!11!"
Uhm... okay, says the dad, who has been patiently listening to this wild mania, trying very hard not to cringe.
How and why did all this happen, though..?
"I don't know, maybe JAMES BOND taught this guy in some mountains and lightning and this HUGE EVIL BAD GUY with dead animal helmet!!1 and then immortality and and"
Okay, maybe the backstory could be some historical battle, and that would sort of try to explain how it all came about.
"And then some cute hooker in the hotel while this bad guy speaks like a bear, yeah, that's cool! And and then he is SO EVIL and POWERFUL and lots of lightning and effects and some cool line like THE ONE something, ok, dad??!"
Err, ok, maybe the bad guy cets a cut in his throat so that's why he growls like a bear, and maybe we can get Sean Connery and.. say, son, how do you know about hookers? Ah, I forgot this is hollywoody, kids are corrupt here.
I guess I could then add a lot of filler, trying to explain it all somehow.. or maybe just add multiple people that are all sort of magically immortal?
"Yeah yeah but they all have to KILL each other, ha ha ha!! And they try to kill each other with swords but people don't realize they never die unless their head is cut off!"
But how do we explain that, why are these immortals even on Earth, and why and how..
"And then super fast car chases and some cool rock music and and and"
Whatever you say, son.. I will try to iron out and fill in some of the details, but this still leaves so many questions unanswered.
"Haha, sword fights every five minutes, hahaha, heads cut off and LIGHTNING and rock music and and!!" still resonates from the walls long after the kid has gone jump on the trampoline in the yard.
Ooh, boy, this is gonna be a mess, but maybe if we get enough celebrities, some James Bond actor and a famous rock band, people will not mind that nothing is ever really explained or even feasible..
Can anyone really imagine ANY OTHER way this script was written? I am almost serious, like this seems actually stupidly plausible to me.
This movie is exactly like a kid would write a script!
Who cares about WHERE these immortals came from, WHO decided 'there can be only one' (which is clearly a lie, because THERE ALREADY ARE MULTIPLE!), and only one what, and what if they don't WANT to fight, and do their limbs grow back if they are cut off and so on and so forth. Nothing is explained. What happens if four of them choose to NOT fight? Will three of them just disappear, because there can be only one?
Are the beings that sent these immortals on Earth (for REASONS?) immoral or moral? They give power to the most evil entity in existence, and let him make Earth dark if he wins? Why is the destiny of the planet so arbitrary, and in the HANDS of Gods who would let this happen? What? Why?
I don't know, but the writer's kid wants to see lots of clumsy swordfights where they hit each other's swords instead of each other, clumsy battles where they just wildly roam around and fling swords instead of having organized formations, strategy and actual tactics...
..so we get this movie instead of something that someone actually throught through.
Why can't we know the backstory? Because it does not exist. Why does it not exist? Because this was CLEARLY written by someone who just wanted THINGS TO HAPPEN instead of someone that wants to tell a coherent story where things happen for some poignant reason.
What's the message? Well, the most precious thing in life is growing old together with some hag, while intruding on people's most sacred form of privacy.
What?
Are you telling me a kid did NOT write this?
Maybe the immortals' would have more poignancy if they were here to write a good movie script. Then they'd REALLY make history..