1. the stove is a beautiful place to keep a toupee.
2. a toupee can easily be mistaken for a rat.
3. these towns are full of old stories like this.
4. it's not normal for someone to drive their garbage to the end of the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick.
5. you know what a human thigh bone looks like from taking biology 101.
6. If you have a cousin who's a priest, he can get you a deal on holy water.
If your party is dying down, call the pizza dude. It's the best part.
If your neighbor climbs onto his roof with a gun, you better shut up and paint your god damn house.
If you fall through your neighbors porch, don't offer to pay for any damages. If fact, sue them.
Sardines go good with pretzels.
If the sky is green, take warning.
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Do not mess with suburbanites.
If you ever want to let someone know that you know that they know that you know, slide a note under their door, ring the bell, run.
5000 degrees is an unusually high temperature for a thermostat on a home furnace.
Candles are romantic for ladies.
17. It's not against the law to break cookies.
Those scent things you hang in your car won't cover up the smell of bodies in your basement during the summer.
No one wants to go to the cottage for a week and see the overweight guy get drunk and fall down the stairs again.
The surpreme court rules that once your garbage becomes public domain the minute it hits the curb
The picture "came with the frame"
Unconscious chanting is a sign of Satanism.
And once 'they' get in here(your head) it's over.
Crows are too big for the birdfeeder.
33. Carol is "The Boss" on this street.
share34. If you are using a walkie talkie, be sure not to cover it in mud as you are digging up human ramains.
share35. When you find yourself in a strange and scary house and a disturbing man/boy asks if you'd like a sardine.. you might want to decline, even though the wife would think it impolite to refuse. Also watch out for that horse coming out of the basement.
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