The many lies of Daniel Larusso

Reposted for posterity

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Together we are about to open a chain of Cobra Kai dojos, where young people can come and learn the same values I’ve learned: honesty, compassion, and fair play.” Terry Silver, 1985 All-Valley tournament

The chasm between Cobra Kai karate and Miyagi-do karate is perhaps best measured by these three attributes, attributes the Cobra Kai display in spades. But, leaving aside compassion and fair play for the moment, what of the Miyagi-do dojo’s prize (and only) student? Well, it becomes painfully obvious over the course of three movies that Daniel Larusso and honesty have only a casual acquaintance. Time after time, Danny-boy lies and lies again. The kid seems unable to string together an entire paragraph without resorting to some bit of falsehood, half-truth, or outright calumny.

I have undertaken a census of some of the more outrageous lies spit out by Mr. Miyagi’s favorite plaything. This is by no means intended as an exhaustive list of Daniel’s fibs. Careful viewers could likely unearth scores of other whoppers. A quick perusal of this list should, however, disabuse even the most ardent fan-boy of the belief that Daniel-san stands for all that is good. He’s a pathological liar, who stands in sharp relief to the exemplary qualities of Mr. Terry Silver and company.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In our first installment, The Karate Kid, Daniel is rightly reviled for insinuating himself into the lives of the Cobra Kai, trying to steal their women, dousing them with hoses, and interrupting their karate lessons. Perhaps this is understandable; the Cobra Kai, as purveyors of all that is good and just, are natural enemies to the vermin-like Larusso. Yet even among his alleged friends Daniel continually runs from the truth, lying to his mother, girlfriend, and best friend with regularity.

1) “My mom’s got a job with Rocket Computers…it’s up and coming.”
So much so that she was waitressing within a week.
2) “Was that karate?” “Well, yeah.”
No, it was spaz kick that bore no relation to the martial art known as karate.
3) “Did you ever use it?” “A couple of times.”
Oh, I don’t think so.
4) “I got moves where I come from. We got more moves there than here, I’ll tell you that much.
“Hey, Karate Kid, let’s see the moves!” “The only move he knows is how to get his butt kicked.”
5) “I hit a curb with my bike and then it hit me.”
A blond haired, blue eyed curb.
6) “What happen to eye?” “I fell off my bike.”
As we shall see, Daniel has great difficulty answering his alleged best friend and confidant, Miyagi sensei, truthfully.
7) “What’s with the karate place?” “It sucks”
The original Cobra Kai dojo? Sucks?? In the words of the venerable Judge Smails, “s…s...s…??!!”
8) “What kind of bike you got, Daniel -- Honda, Suzuki, what?” “It’s more like a Miyagi Turbo.”
It was a BMX-style bike that looked like a modified unicycle. Probably bought at the Hills outlet in Parsippany.
9) “Daniel, you don’t have to run away.” “I’m not running away from anything!”
Except the 5 guys who’d repeatedly kicked his ass.
10) “I’m not into dancing that much.”
This was a rather unfortunate lie, in that I wish it were true. I’d prefer to have never seen Daniel play air guitar or do the knee slap.
11) “Where have you been hiding?” “I haven’t been hiding!”
Does cowering in the shadows of the maintenance room at his apartment complex count as hiding?
12) “Know how drive?” “Yeah, yeah.”
Yes, he knows how to drive otherwise friendly schoolmates into a rage. As for piloting a vehicle, his bike riding skills should tell you all you need to know about his aptitude for mechanical objects.
13) “You did all that damage?” “Well, don’t you know when you make a wish in a shower, it always comes true?”
Daniel’s not the first guy to lie to a chick he wants to bed, but to suggest that he’s capable of beating up 5 of John Kreese’s students at once is beyond the pale.
14) “Look, you know, if I really wanted to go I would have.” “Makes no difference to me, do what you want to do. I don’t care.”
Although the Golf ‘N Stuff date alone was fodder for months of spank-a-thons, do you really think Daniel didn’t care about blowing his shot at pawing Ali’s generous rack?
15) “Oh, Mr. Miyagi, I gotta go. I was supposed to meet my mother an hour ago. She was going to make this surprise cake for me.”
*beep* He went to Golf ‘N Stuff. Why did Daniel make up such a clumsy lie to get out of eating Mr. Miyagi’s cake? Why did he have so much trouble admitting he wanted to see a girl? Conflicted feelings for Mr. Miyagi are the most likely explanation.[/i]
16) “Look, I’m a jerk.”
Oops, that one’s actually true.
17) “It’s an open division; it’s only for brown belt or above.” “Boy black belt.”
Yes this was Miyagi’s lie, but by actually wearing a belt that was neither earned nor belonged to him Daniel engaged in yet another falsehood.
18) “He doesn’t speak English, and I can’t understand his instruction without her. She’s his translator.”
Now he’s on a roll. Why does this greenhorn despise the SoCal karate establishment so much?
19) “Hey Mr. Miyagi, we did it! We did it. All right!!”
This is of course not a lie so long as by “we” Daniel means he, Pat “Donaghy” Johnson, the blue leisure suit man, and a large roll of bank notes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In The Karate Kid, Part II, Daniel is mostly a passenger, a stranger in a strange land, and so he often does little else but persistently and annoyingly ask questions. The lies are there, but not as frequent as before.

20) “Mr. Miyagi, you’re more important than college. You’re more important than anything.”
Jesus, why didn’t I know this before I plunked down all those thousands on higher education? More important than anything? Hell, forget going to mass from now on. I shall worship at the shrine of Mr. Miyagi.
21) “You know, when my father died I spent a lot of time thinking I wasn’t a great son.”
This is absolutely outrageous. Everyone knows that Mr. Larusso did a runner when he saw what his son was becoming. How dare Daniel “console” Miyagi with such false and empty words? By this point in the trilogy, we suspect that in his heart Daniel is capable of some pretty low things but when it comes to this we’re still shocked. At least he got the part about not being a great son right.
22) “Not matter who stronger, matter who smarter.” “I guess that’s why I won the tournament.”
Does bribing tournament officials make one “smarter”? Perhaps.
23) “You see, I came here to help Mr. Miyagi and with all this stuff I feel so helpless.”
Help him with what? He didn’t want you there to begin with. You had to beg him at the airport to let you tag along. That should tell us how much Miyagi valued your help.
24) “Oh no, not again. I’m not looking for any trouble.”
That would be a marked change from Daniel’s previous behavior.
25) “Your sensei teach you how to fight with spear?” “No.”
Are you forgetting all the times you fended off Miyagi’s flesh spear?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In The Karate Kid, Part III, Daniel returns to the cozy environs of Southern California and, obviously emboldened by his Okinawan experience, immediately resumes his prior habit of lying to all within earshot. This time, even Miyagi (temporarily) wearies of his act. As for his enemies, it’s a mixed bag. As in the first movie, they have to wade through the knee-deep trail of malarkey that Daniel leaves in his wake. On the plus side, Daniel’s adversaries are so compelling that much of the movie is dedicated to depicting their actions. In the first installment, Daniel features in nearly every scene yet here we are treated to several scenes in which he does not figure, scenes which allow the viewer the honor and privilege of peering into the private life of Terry Silver himself. Not only that, but these scenes serve to interrupt Daniel’s continuous stream of deceptions, ultimately limiting their number.

26) “Oh yeah, I told her the right flight, I just told her the wrong day. I told her we were coming in tomorrow. She loves surprises.”
Ever since that day the rabbit died, Mrs. Larusso has loathed surprises.
27) “When is Kumiko arriving?” “Uh, she’s… she’s not. She got this great job with a dance company in Tokyo and I guess she just couldn’t say no.”
I’m tempted to think that Kumiko made up a story like this and Daniel doesn’t know any better, but Kumiko had honor. She never left her hometown. She likely told him the truth about how repulsive she found it being in his presence and that she’d rather live in a house with paper windows than move to America with our flaccid boy hero. Oddly enough, the young man whom Ali copped off with was soon to graduate from UCLA, enter the service, and get stationed at Okinawa, where he embarked on a torrid love affair with Kumiko.
28) “What a moment – what a moment! You are now crossing over to the right side of the tracks.”
As evidenced by the graffiti, abandoned buildings, and lack of police presence.
29) “Oh, what that?” “That’s opportunity knocking.”
Most native speakers of English understand this to mean that good fortune lies ahead, but Daniel is being deliberately confusing to Miyagi, who speaks English at a 3-year-old level. The only opportunity presenting itself to Daniel was the opportunity to squander his meager college fund.
30) “Wait till you see inside. This is gonna be great. This is gonna be great!”
Says Daniel as he pulls open the string that was holding the door shut. Fortunately for him, the vagrants who usually camped out inside had hopped a passing freight train that afternoon.
31) “It doesn’t look it now, but this place is a gold mine.”
He got the first part right, anyway. Any minute now Daniel’s nose is going to resemble one of Miyagi’s bonsai.
32) “I have the chance to be the champion again, all I have to do it put my signature to it.”
And collect enough bottles and cans to come up with another payoff for Pat “Donaghy” Johnson.
33) “Don’t worry about it. It’s refreshing. We can go dutch.”
Daniel’s used to getting shot down by this point, but there’s no way that he’s okay with this. He lowered his standards to Jessica’s level and still couldn’t close the deal.
34) “I’ve got nothing to prove. I have no reason to fight.”
Daniel’s still proud of winning the 1984 All-Valley under such suspicious circumstances. An honorable pugilist would have a reason to fight: to erase the perception that his previous victory was ill-gotten.
35) “Look, if I don’t find this tree we’re looking for, Mr. Miyagi loses his business.”
His business?? Didn’t I see Mr. Miyagi, after some of the most pathetic groveling ever, award you full partnership, Daniel?
36) “This isn’t so hard, you’re a pretty good teacher!”
Once again, Danny lies to a girl he’s trying to shag – this time at his own peril. Seconds later his pretty good teacher leads him to nearly fall down a cliff. A couple minutes later, she herself came close to falling to her death.
37) “It’s no joke, all right? You don’t want to show me, don’t show me. Just don’t make fun of me. I’m sorry for asking. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.”
Why does Miyagi put up with this? Daniel of course asked again.
38) “Hey, Mr. Miyagi, why don’t you come on in? Just catching up on some sit ups, here.”
This subject has been thoroughly discussed by the Kais of the imdb.com. Yes, we know he was lying – again – to Miyagi, but it’s the brass he shows here! For him to actually “catch up” on the amount of sit ups he’d heretofore neglected, he’d be on his back for the better part of the next year.
39) “Daniel-san, what happened foot?” “What foot? Wow! Look at that. I don’t know. Maybe I banged it in my sleep. I don’t remember.”
Sensei Terry Silver imparts the first lesson of Quicksilver and Daniel can’t remember it? One guesses that Daniel does all of his “banging” in his sleep.
40) “Daniel-san, maybe tomorrow you remember what happened foot, then you tell Miyagi.” “Tomorrow? Mr. Miyagi I have so many things to do tomorrow. Tomorrow I’m busy. Tomorrow’s a bad day. In the morning, I’m supposed to… In the afternoon I’m supposed to meet with a buddy I haven’t seen since we got back from Okinawa…”
The sum total of friends made by Daniel over the course of three movies, besides Miyagi: zero.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The evidence is clear, Daniel Larusso is a shameless liar. It's tempting to believe that Miaygi has something to do with this, especially when we see him lie to tournament officials and enter into a crooked relationship with Pat “Donaghy” Johnson and co., but Daniel's lies are apparent from the moment he and his mother arrive in California. Freddy Fernandez and Ali-With-An-I are both subjected to Daniel's penchant for deceit, long before Miyagi made his presence felt.

No, it's Daniel and Daniel alone who is responsible for the disgusting number of lies told in these movies. Someone please explain to me how it is that anyone can consider Daniel a hero.