how's this not the worst movie based on imdb rankings??

seriously, im not here to bitch an moan about vanilla ice b/c when i was four i liked him and even really don't care that he was sort of a tool on the surreal life....but come on this movie failed in every single conceivable way possible....

I obviously haven't seen every the vast majority of the bottom 100 movies but i'd have to believe they could not possibly have completely and utterly failed as bad as Cool as Ice...think about it....

The movie has terrible acting...from EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER....not just Vanilla Ice, no the dad is a *beep* actor, the mom sucks at acting and she only have 3 lines, the motorcycle repair couple are insufferable, and i hope whoever played the son got the role b/c the director was bangin his mom...actually to put it another way...the acting was so bad the best actor was the guy who played Nick's cardboard cut-out character of rich preppy douchebag....

The movie doesn't know what it was doing in anyway shape or form...i just watched this tonite on encore (b/c i hate myself) and wow....its bad in every genre that it was listed as....
as a MUSICAL: The movie starts off w/ a 5 minute long music video where they role the credits, only problem is Vanilla Ice is a bad rapper so having him perform any songs other than Ice Ice Baby and the Ninja Rap is pretty painful...unfortunately they have 3 such scenes in the movie.....

as a CRIME DRAMA: umm yea so lemme get this straight...you've been in witness protection for 20 years, the men you put in jail find you and threaten to kill you if you don't pay 500,000 dollars in 24 hrs (note they don't kidnap the son until about 36 hrs have passed but tomato tamato i guess) and you don't contact the FBI...really wtf?!?!?!?!....

as a FISH OUTTA WATER COMEDY: in the the subgenre of black people coming from the hood to the burbs and make fun of white people...yea these movies have always been bad (see who's ur caddy) but this gets taken to another level of dumb as *beep* when one of the guys from the hood is white (note i love eminem....was my favorite rapper for 5 yrs...being white and doing "black" music isn't a gimmick)...how in the hell are suburbanites going to be afraid of other white people???....

as a CHILDREN'S LIVE ACTION COMEDY: im putting this in as one of the genres simply b/c thats the only way too explain what was goin on w/ the motorcyle repairmen's house...i assume thats who they were trying to attract w/ the random home and having scenes where the old people danced and the big black guy ate the nasty looking sandwich...yea that didn't make any sense considering in this incredibly suburban town...where all the houses look exactly the same...you have one random house that doesn't just look a little different, but looks like Pee Wee's Playhouse and was home to 2 eccentric old people being passed off as cool....

the Romance plot: yea this i guess sucks the least but is still good and terrible considering the movie never explains ice's character so you have know idea what's likeable about him....

Lastly the movie just a/b fails in everything else including...
The WRITING: yea at no point was there even the slightest attempt at explaining anything in the movie unless absolutely positively necessary....i have no idea what ice's character does, where he's from or even how old he is (a point the movie deliberately enforces when he says he is where he's at)....you have no idea why the crooks want the winslow family so bad until an HOUR into the Movie (which is really only 1:25 minutes long if you get rid of the 2 completely unneccessary dance club scenes at the begginning and end of the film)...

The DIRECTING: yea this movie has 2 montages that go on for a combined 15 minutes....there is one scene in early in the movie thats sped up for the purposes of...ummm....nothing as far as i could tell....oh and this isn't the directors fault but im blaming them anyways...the scene where ice jumps his motorcyle over the 5 ft high fence and scares kat while she's horseback riding....yea...there's no ramp in that scene he just kinda jumps it.....which is impossible or makes him jesus either way....that sucked

anyways i just had to post this and get it on imdb while the memory was still fresh in my mind.....i mean even for nostalgia purposes this movie was terrible i liked it when i was four...but after watching it again tonite the 4 year old in me was beaten to death by the 5-22 yr old in me for watching such a bad bad bad bad bad bad bad movie....jesus christ that was awful

Dear IMDB members stop complaining about grammar....this is the net...not elementary school