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THINGS I LEARNED FROM 'THE LAST BOY SCOUT'

posted 12 years ago by craigjohnson20
24 replies | jump to latest

- If you're a bad guy and you've hired a sniper to kill a senator it would be stupid to tell Bruce Willis, who is trying to stop you, where the sniper will be because that would ruin the whole plan. However...well, it would just be rude if you didn't give Willis a hint ("Let's just say Milo is in a...highly enlightened position.")

- C4 is a plastic explosive that will not blow up unless it's triggered by a detonator...or, if you stick it in the trunk of your car and some gangster shoots a bullet into it.

- If you're a professional killer hired to take out a target with a sniper rifle during a football game, and your shot happens to miss, while you're target stands oblivious to your stray shot, rather than trying to shoot your target again, angrily open fire on the football stadium alerting everyone to your presence.

- If you are a spectator at a football game being shot at by a guy with a high-powered rifle and then the same guy gets mulched up in a helicopter propeller, your immediate response should be to shake off your near-death experience and cheer the unidentified man dancing and jigging on the jumbotron.

- If you're a killer hired to kill Bruce Willis, kill him. But first - let him insult you for about two or three minutes...especially if he's doing it while talking to a hand puppet.

- A guy can be killed from one punch to the face (okay, that wasn't a complaint, that scene was just f--king awesome!)

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"I saw that movie on a plane and people still walked out." - Bill Hader (Sam Raimi birthday video)

[–] SeasonalAffective 12 years ago

7. If you are trying to knock off a US Senator, the stars will align for you, and the universe will present you with a private detective who just happens to have a negative history with him, so you can pin the assassination on him.

8. Organized criminals don't think it's unprofessional to bounce people off of cars, or taze people and carry them across their lawns, unconscious, in broad daylight.

9. The NFL continues its schedule, even after a massacre is committed during a game, without any interruptions.

10. Bad guys will stand around laughing, when a kid suddenly walks into their plan to kill her father, while said father makes jokes.

11. Milo's plan is to frame Joe for the assassination of a US Senator…even though he tries to kill him before the assassination takes place.

12. All that is needed to illustrate a man's full-circle turn from lowlife failure into respected family man is to have him shave.

13. Humor is the best way to buy you enough time to get yourself out of being killed.

14. There just happen to be SWAT teams and helicopters flying around football stadiums during games.

15. Milo sincerely believed he could entrap himself in a football stadium, shoot a Senator, and then make it to safety from the light stands without anyone knowing.

16. If you have a gun to a man's head and ask him for the keys, telling him you'll kill him if he doesn't give them to you, and he throws them away, tell him you'll kill him later.

17. Call your friend and set up a possible job for him, while you're at his house after sleeping with his wife.

[–] layton59 11 years ago

37. A pro football player can get calls on line-3 during halftime while the coach is trying to inspire the whole team.

38. A large handgun always fits nicely inside a girl's stuffed animal hand puppet.

39. Strippers drive two cool cars to work. Usually they are a Chevy Corvette and a Ford Mustang.

40. Special effects always involve excessive sparks and flares.

41. Anytime the former QB throws a football at your face you never see it coming.

42. Most hitmen try to talk you to death first.

43. The pizza delivery man from FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH later became an inept hitman/sniper. Taylor Negron is that actor.

44. Football has an injury report to help gamblers make better informed bets.

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Sig Line:

Many cynics and skeptics mistake their hubris negativity for actual intelligence.

[–] StanleyGodSpeed 12 years ago

18. Being tossed off a bridge onto a car doesnt hurt you because most humans bounce of cars.

19. Jimmy Dixx lost his job because there is an injury report in pro football

20. Most U.S senators beat hookers and watch the L.A Stallions kick hell out of Tampa Bay on thier days off.

21. Leather Pants dont come with a T.V in them.

22. Fast forward eats the tape!

23. Darrian will be f*uckin them by the time she is 15

24. Dont get in Hallenbecks way when he needs a light.

25. Most strippers can tap phones so they can blackmail former boyfriends to help current boyfriends.

26. Somebody bangs your wife you just simply say "head or gut" because your an unshaven low life with no pride.

27. I love this movie for all the reasons I hate on it, I love it. Surfs up pal!

Your Best? Losers always whine about thier best, winners go home and *beep* the prom queen.

[–] Hyman_Flomax 12 years ago

- A guy can be killed from one punch to the face (okay, that wasn't a complaint, that scene was just f--king awesome!)

This is actually possible.

[–] craigjohnson20 12 years ago

Yes. The person dies when the nose cartilage goes up into their brain. It just never occurred to me before I saw this movie. Like I said, not a complaint.

"I saw that movie on a plane and people still walked out." - Bill Hader (Sam Raimi birthday video)

[–] mattavnlk 12 years ago

28. The big pimp looking M F'er with the hat has a really fat wife, and she cheats on him.

29. Joe's wife should buy a dog.

30. Milo places calls from the bottom of pools.

31. You either give Joe your car keys or he shoots his own daughter, your choice.

32. Joe's middle name is Cornelius, but don't tell anyone.

33. Jimmy travels with the Vienna Boys Choir.

34. Joe dusts while Jimmy vacuumes.

35. Jimmy knows people who will remove fingernails for $50.

36. When the cops aren't around, Joe will spit in Sara's face.

[–] Gaodhal 11 years ago

37. How to say "fvck you" in Polish.

38. Jimmy Dix has bad taste in hats.

39. Friday night's a great night for football, apparently.

-Níl aon scáileán mar do scáileán féin.-

[–] bossat2822 11 years ago

40. When having breakfast, forget syrup for your pancakes....Demerol will do just fine.

41. If you're a teenager and a famous football player visits, 1st act like a brat-THEN ask for his autograph

42. If you're a trained assassin, it's best to purchase your attire at gangsters r us

[–] Judah_Earl 11 years ago

- Scrabble was invented by a Hit man.

- Did anyone bother to FRISK THIS FüCK?

"Don't make me rue the day I raped your mother"

[–] jztzt 11 years ago

45. Too many bullets? No problem, a cop will help to unload your gun for you.

46. To scream in pain, all one has to do is play some rap music.

44. A bomb looks like an apple with lines coming out of it.

45. It's not enough that the villain dies from gunshot wounds and falling from a great height; he would also need to be splattered by the propeller blades of a helicopters for good measure.

"...sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.” ~ Cool Hand Luke

[–] MadDog-ThrashTillDeath 11 years ago

46 . Satan clause is out there!
47 . Never take a bath on your lovers house
48 . Hallenbeck didn't vote for Bayniard

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] grawsas 11 years ago

49. More you smoke and drink, more you getting stronger.

______________________________________________
My list: http://www.imdb.com/list/_41caa2sTtM/

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Robbmonster 10 years ago

- Football looks much more glamorous when played in almost total darkness.

Never defend crap with "It's just a movie"
http://www.youtube.com/user/BigGreenProds

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] ryckarduh 10 years ago

- Joe hates this funk *beep*

- the police will help Cory... after she's dead they'll perform the autopsy

- Dix is racist "Shut up and get yo monkey ass in the cage"

- 650dollar Leather pants with no tv on them makes Joe feel old

- Joe likes ice, so don't try to break it... just leave the fack off

- Bruce Willis put more effort into the 'don't fastforward the tape' scene than in his last 10 movies

- The inventor of scrabble is an henchman and apparently has a rash in his neck

- Joe hates to waste food (especially icecream)

- Joe punches his heroes

- Football's a dying beast, there's no heroes anymore

- If you want to know what's going on watch cnn

- If you throw a ball and it blows up in the air everybody will easily realise that a sniper must've shot it

- Joe's a real bastard... and then some

- The Last Boy Scout is a better DieHard sequel than DieHard 4 or 5

[–] Xavior_Penguin 10 years ago

- A guy can be killed from one punch to the face (okay, that wasn't a complaint, that scene was just f--king awesome!)

A guy can easily be killed by one blow to the face and that wasn't a bunch that was getting the knife edge of an athletic guy's hand right under the nose. The bone gets shoved into the brain which kills instantly.

Don't shít all over the few things hollywood fiction does get right.

~Lance

[–] houndawg3 10 years ago

It's a myth that someone can be killed by pushing nose cartilage into the brain. It's not possible.

[–] wcwcommish 10 years ago

-This movie was the first and last time Danielle Harris
got a higher billing than Halle Berry.

-Shooting players on the field is at least a 15 yard penalty.

-The entire cast of Hatchet III worked on TLBS.

-Sarah Hallenbeck doesn't rank very high on Mike's
finger scale.