What Happenned Next (Mature Readers)

Disclaimer: This is a creative essay regarding the potential futures of the characters in the movies, some will contain adult themes and references that are merely for fun and entertainment. If this sort material offends you please read no further!

I'll Try to encompass the major characters from the movie

Danny O’Shea and Patty Floyd got married in a quite ceremony at the local church. Kevin was Danny’s best man. At the reception, he commented on how if Danny needed a little help during the “ol honeymoon romp”, that he’d be happy to oblige his new bride. One black eye, seven stitches and a group hug later and everything was fine. Note: Kevin still slipped Patty on two separate occasions afterwards.

Kevin O’Shea remained a successful car salesman in town, and went into a half-joint venture with his brother’s auto-mechanic services. Kevin secretly kept 15% extra for himself. HE would eventually become the mayor and use his political influence to improve the quality of life. His first step was to make Danny the head of Sanitation.

Becky O’Shea had a rough adolescence. Her sweet hand-holding relationship with stepbrother Junior started having problems in junior high when she continued to gain weight. She tried out for the cheerleading team but was cut during the trials by her cousins Debbie and Priscilla. Two days later Junior dumped Becky and started going out with Debbie. Becky went into depression and stayed that way for a few years, and eventually “gave up her pie” to Spike Hammersmith who bragged about it all over school. By the time she graduated high school she cut her hair and became a full-fleged lesbian and tried out for the men’s varsity football team. She was cut, despite being above 80% of the tryouts during physical tests, during the medical exams stage because she didn’t have a penis.

Junior Floyd realized over the years that he wasn’t gonna get much from Becky aside from the odd knob-job when she felt like it and wisely started dating Debbie in junior high. He managed to score her in 10th grade but accidentally knocked her up and was forced to marry by Kevin, who paid for 25% of the ceremony, holding Danny responsible for the rest since Junior was “his” stepson. Junior graduated from high school and inherited Kevin’s auto-dealership, after Kevin became Mayor, but must still kick up 15% to the old man.

Debbie O’Shea and Junior’s marriage goes well, and now have three kids. Debbie is a working mother and spends her free time calling up Becky and calling her an icky-sticky lesbian and hearing her cousin shout out profanities.

Priscilla O’Shea grew up to become head cheerleader, inheriting the mantle from her sister, despite sporting a congenital lisp and stutter. By her sophomore year she had become the school slut and is currently trying out to be a model. She’s secretly having an affair with Spike Hammersmith on the side.

Jake Berman joined the cross-country run with the other Giants at the victory picnic following the big game, but he ran out of air and his respirator jammed as he crossed a small creek. His little body was never found.

Rudy Zolteck continued to eat like a pig and had his nickname changed from “Gasman” to “Fatso” by the time he reached junior-high. By the time he was a sophomore in high-school he weighed well over 350 lbs. He had a stroke before graduation, while taking a dump in the school toilet and died. Firemen have not been able to remove his bloated corpse yet and have quarantined the bathroom.

Tad Simpson remained a frail crybaby as he grew up to the point where even his friends stopped hanging out with him. He can currently be seen as a cross-dresser in the Las Vegas slums.

Spike Hammersmith did not take the big game loss to well and beat several of the Little Giants into unconsciousness in the following weeks. He was the “big man” in high school sports and managed to slip the meat to Becky out of pity. He is “secret affair” with Priscilla O’Shea is actually common knowledge in the locker room.

Marcus (the oriental kid) became the class geek who nobody liked. He was last seen with a shaved head and recording disturbing videos on YouTube.

Johnny Vennaro never got over Becky refusing to date him and joined a local gang. He died during the initiation getting his head blown off by the old man in the licqour store.

Briggs did his own thing for a long time, becoming the most annoying hall monitor in school history. He graduated and became a local cop and spends his time harassing hobos and bag ladies.

Patterson lost both his hands while playing with some of the machinery in Danny’s auto-shop. He’s currently a motivational speaker from Toys ‘R’ Us.

Fast Eddie remained “fast” through his childhood….but forgot to hit the breaks while riding his bike down main street and hit a brick wall. He currently east food through a straw held by a medically trained capuchin monkey.

The remaining adults in the movie all went through family problems dealing with their dysfunctional children and tried to get on Oprah. The best they got was a booking with Ricky Lake only to be preempted at the last minute for a special “My Husband has sex with animals over the internet” show.


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