What a S**t-Heap...

“Moral of COUNTRY STRONG: It's okay to relapse as long as your rehab male nurse is A) good-looking, B) willing to sleep with you, and C) can sing and play guitar and serve as your Opening Act...You will give a performance that shows your younger competition just 'how it's done' Grade: F.”

That pretty much covers “it” (and renders this critique pointless), but I will proceed.

STRONG takes a most under-researched, misguided attempt at portraying a mentally ill superstar, but the psychology is never expanded upon or explained. Instead, Gwyneth’s “craziness” ends up functioning as an impotent plot device rather than a character trait.

Anyone in recovery (including your humble critic) is bound to be offended by the film’s clumsy attempts at insisting Gwyneth’s trouble is her “illness” – if anything, her Kelly Canter is about the most narcissistic, un-relatable characters I’ve yet to see projected onto a screen. The only thing that's going to save Kelly Canter is a Personality Transplant.

Tim McGraw continues to act with his two basic “tools”: 1) making puppy dog eyes, and 2) clenching his jaw to suggest a wide range of vague emotions.

Supporting players Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester benefit from neither better dialogue nor character development, but still manage to come off as much less obnoxious and alienating than Gwyn and Tim-A (might as well pronounce it like the SOUTH PARK character at this point in McGraw’s “acting” career).

Honestly, Faith Hill should have been given the lead – her robotic work in THE STEPFORD WIVES more closely resembled human behavior than the Gwynster’s truly embarrassing Britney Spears impersonation.

I hope Kristen Wiig (or Mo Collins) makes a feature-length satire of this full-scale debacle.

Letter Grade: F

Percentile Grade: 14% (Virtually ALL of which is the result of unintentional laughter - ESPECIALLY the "highlights" reel from the doomed Gwynster's last performance).