1917 AKA not world war 2-REVIEW AND SPOILERS FOR THIS FILM/HISTORICAL CALAMITY

-so this film is about two retarded soldiers in ww1
-who get given an important mission
-now the major stipulation of this mission
-is that under no circumstance should they help or befriend any of the germans they come across
-some would say this should be more an unwritten rule in life
-and especially in times of war
-but as the film establishes we are dealing with two potatos
-so anyway these two fuckers leave on their mission
-which is to warn some troops about a german trap
-and so they start walking for like ages
-and the camera follows behind them
-and it like never stops
-theres no cuts to the next scene
-like my eyes get dry cos i cant blink
-so my eyes are wide open watching these two pricks walk through the trenches
-and they get lost a couple of times and have to ask for directions
-and the soldiers giving directions are all like "yeah just go straight ahead...cos its a fucking trench"
-so yeah eventually these faggots leave the trench
-and they meet a german pilot stuck in a burning plane
-and we're all thinking thank fuck for that
-our heros didnt have to risk their lives and the mission and the lives of those dependant on the
-timely success of the mission
-our heros didnt need to get their hands dirty killing this enemy
-thank god for that
-also they were specifically briefed beforehand about providing aid for the enemy
-so we're safe right?
-wrong
-we'b be safe if we weren't dealing with two genuine bum sniffers
-and this is the part of the film where i removed all my emotional investment
-cos instead of leaving the german pilot to die in the burning plane
-instead of putting a bullet or knife in the german pilot in the burning plane
-they remove the german pilot from the very same burning plane
-drag him to safety
-run to the well to fetch water for the evil german pilot who they know is an evil german pilot
-and get thanked for this behaviour
-but being knifed in the gut
-fucking shock horror
-imagine your mortal enemy who you've just declared war on wanting to kill you
-i was taken aback by the sheer naivety of this scene
-well i say naivety
-what i mean is pants on head retardation
-why are they trying to help the people they're at war with
-war!
-not just a feud
-this aint a long standing grudge thats boiled over into passive aggressive taunts
-this is several levels above even a quarral
-do you know how much id have to hate someone before i declared war on them?
-id have to amass troops and ruminate on the moral, theological and legal justification for such an action
-its a pretty serious matter
-so yeah anyway theres a few more stupid scenes
-like when our hero goes up a hill and its like middle earth there's like singing and shit
-and all the troops are entranced and no ones on the lookout for germans
-like our hero could have been a german with a grenade and no one would notice
-cos they were all listening to some fucking dwarf singing about the misty mountains or some shit
-and later our hero whos called schofield btw
-and some of you are thinking "i bet he's a giant homosexual"
-but you'd be wrong
-he's actually just retarded
-so anyway as i said
-later on phil is doing his best solid snake impression (no schofield)
-and he jumps on some german prick and covers his mouth (no schofield)
-and hes all like "shush pls dont make a noise ok? lol"
-and the sneaky german fucker (who is an enemy btw) is all nodding his head like "ya i vont make ze noise promize"
-and our genius hero beleives him and uncovers his mouth
-and the filthy german fuckers turns his head and is all like "nein!!"
-"ye shouldnt ave belieaved zy sneaky german liez! lol"
-and phil is like omg i cant believe my mortal enemy tricked me
7/10