You must recognise that there's a difference between friends and romantic partners
No, actually, in my experience those distinctions can get rather blurry. Unless there is some sort of formal vow or promise (which I never see Maude make), I don't think expectations of "forever" are reasonable. No one surrenders their sovereignty to another, just because the other expects it.
a difference between moving away for the purpose of growing .... and killing yourself.
But, see, you seem to think that in either case the people left behind get to judge the value of the departing person's decision, and I just don't accept that.
That's the part that's selfish to me.
Maude shouldn't have got into a relationship if she was going to kill herself,
It seems you are attempting to read this movie as if it were some other kind of story, some sort of Harlequin romance. I would never characterize Maude's friendship with Harold as "getting into a relationship." The phrase implies all sorts of assumptions about conventional attitudes and expectations that clearly both Maude and Harold subvert from the moment that we meet them.
Someone above says:
Well, in my opinion, this movie told "*beep* you, and your stupid learned rules" to everyone.
and I think he has a point (though I hope I wouldn't put it in such hostile language). You are trying to apply your conventional rules to characters who resist convention from the very beginning, and the film is encouraging the viewer to consider resisting them as well.
This may be why we won't agree about this. I have come to believe that we owe one another much less than you seem to believe we do, or at least in a less predictable and less pre-ordained way. And it's not just my wanting it this way out of selfishness: I have had my own expectations thwarted repeatedly in this life, and that's why I have come to my understanding of what is reasonable to expect of other people and what is not, despite what they may say and despite whatever rules of engagement I was raised to think were fair and universal and are actually neither (and therefore what is reasonable for others to expect of me and what is not).
"You must sing him your prettiest songs, then perhaps he will want to marry you."
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Flabulous
9 years ago
Numbered for each paragraph:
1. The convention of a romantic relationship is toward the lifelong of marriage. Personally I don't think this is wise on the part of society, but nevertheless it means Harold could reasonably expect commitment.
2. Of course you can judge. What if a husband ups and leaves his wife and kids, even if they were financially secure? It's just the courtesy that comes from empathy, that's all.
3. There's both the sleeping together, which, especially in American culture, is a sign of the path toward seriousness, and also the intimacy they shared. You're right in mentioning that it's convention, but I think convention needs to be taken into account when considering the feeling of others who seem be growing attached to you.
4. Resisting convention doesn't mean that everything goes out the window. Otherwise, rape and murder and torture - as unlikely as they would be be - all become automatically excused. I doubt you agree they're justifiable under such logic.
P.s. I'm genuinely sorry to hear about the repeated thwarted expectations
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