Things I learned from watching Burnt Offerings

What? Are you crazy? These things are very bad complaints about the filming style not about the story or anything substantial. Some of these things are clearly addressed in the film.

4. When your wife rejects your sexual advances, just accept it and take it hard instead of slapping the snot out of her.

2. When your former wife turns into a scary old witch, stand there in horror, scream like a bitch and leap out the window to your death.

1. When some starchy old hag tells you that a house takes care of itself, don't bother questioning or even laughing at the inanity of that statement. Figure of speech perhaps.

2. When your former wife turns into a scary old witch, stand there in horror, scream like a bitch and leap out the window to your death. He was thrown by the hag or the house.

4. When your wife rejects your sexual advances, just accept it and take it hard instead of slapping the snot out of her. Real men have no need to hurt the women they love.

5. When some effeminate old codger in a wheelchair acts condescending to you, your wife and son, say nothing in defense and let him get away with it. Him being old (and perhaps senile) is one answer. The fact he owns the home you want to rent is another to keep your mouth shut and be respectful.

6. Always do what wifey-poo desires. Even if she wants to rent some secluded and creepy old mansion in the hills owned by weirdos. And why not?

9. When your wife orders you never to visit the upstairs room of the old lady, obey her regardless if you were nice enough to let the bitch move in against your wishes. Where was it stated she forced him into renting the house?


We've met before, haven't we?

If your wife rejects your sexual advances, you should slap the snot out of her? Well, that's domestic violence and rape. A woman-even a wife-can say no at any time for any reason she wants. I sure hope you attempt this on the right kind of woman who in turn knocks the crap out of you in self defense and then presses charges. I'm betting if you ever have a long term relationship, things will not go well for you. I sure hope not with that attitude and those ideals!

When you rent a mansion for a whole summer in the middle of nowhere you are required to do all the housekeeping, maintenance and heavy yard work... and take care of the supposed elderly woman who lives upstairs. What a deal!

I agree with most of what OP says. This movie is full of what either Siskel or Ebert (I can't remember which) used to call something like "the stupid plot," where the advancement of the plot depends on people acting stupidly and being oblivious to obvious signs of danger. I sort of enjoyed this movie, but a lot of it was spoiled by the inexplicably stupid behavior of the characters, even at the beginning of the movie before the house had started to exert its influence.

Just as an example, when the aunt becomes obviously terribly sick, and the husband is extremely concerned but unable to get through to a doctor on the phone, he comes back upstairs and acts like nothing else could possibly be done! Any normal person would just load the old lady into the car and take her to a damn hospital.

Maybe we should add this to the "things I learned" list: If a family member is dying in agony and your phone doesn't work but you have a car in running order, you should just sit uselessly by her bedside until you have hallucinations about a creepy chauffeur and she dies.

Haha! Good ones. Thanks for pepping up this dreary chapter of praise for a boring, predictable movie.

I'd add these:

1. If a tree falls across the road in the path of your escape, just keep bashing the car into it. It won't even leave a dent and takes up another five minutes of required movie run time.

2. If your boy starts to grow up to be a wimpy, whiny, annoying bee-yotch, begin testosterone treatment before it's too late.

3. If you're expecting a doctor to treat your grievously ill aunt, but a hearse driver from your childhood shows up instead, just sit there, trembling. Eventually he'll go away and she'll be fine.