Not so much insulting to my intelligence...
as much as this film was all out assault on my intelligence. Are you fvcking kidding me? The first segment, amateur night? ... Fair enough, not horrifically terrible, but still a sloppy pile of excrement. The "Emily" one was also not terrible, there are a few nits I could pick, but I wont ruin that for anyone who enjoyed it, it at least made some fvcking sense. However...
Second honeymoon... where the fvck do I start? Where exactly did this guy's wife meet the crazy *beep* murderer? How did she keep their relationship a secret, and maintain the relationship from afar, in secret, to be close enough with this woman that she'd become an accomplice to a murder, for which she would be the number one suspect? Also since she was clearly such a man hating dyke, how did she manage to maintain a relationship with a man and his evil penis of oppression long enough to warrant a "second honeymoon?" They were married, and the implication was that it was for quite a while, what exactly could this poor fvck have done to drive his wife to such lengths? Beyond that, who, before brutally murdering someone in their sleep, stalks them for several days during a cross country trip, steals petty cash, and does a goofy fvcking fratboy prank like stirring their toothbrush in the toilet, filming it all the while? What, was she hoping he'd get a tummy ache before she pushed a switchblade up through his chin? Also, the wife is in on the whole thing, but how did the other woman know she wouldn't wake up screaming after having a blade caress her ass in her sleep? Was she just pretending to sleep? Exactly how much role play does this whore need to get her envelope moistened?
The glitch segment? Trash, borderline retarded directing and writing, possibly fully retarded script writing. I know, it's a "slasher homage," with the nerd, the (way past his prime) jock, and the blonde slut, that doesn't make it not sh!t, and I'm surprised I have to explain this to other adults. How did the girl survive her encounter with this supernatural being in the first place? How did she know that a camera would reveal it? How did she manage to build all those complicated traps without being killed in the process, and more than that, how did she learn to build fvcking traps like that in the first place? Is there a missing segment they left out, where she sneaks out of her mothers ovaries as an egg sometime back in the 70's, and goes to run with the Viet Cong for a while? Also, despite the fact that she seemed to be running for her life, how did Joey, stumbling around awkwardly with his throat cut catch up to her? Most of all, what made her think after the first encounter with the corny glitch monster that she had a chance exactly?
The last segment was a corny old urban legend, spiced up with some fairly impressive special effects, nothing too awful, but a waste of time like just about everything else. How dumb exactly was that group of fvcking dorks that they just broke into a random house, where it was obvious, no party was happening though? Hands reached through the walls in what appears to be a perfectly normal, uninhabited, unmarked house. It must be a haunted house attraction, right? (They mention that happening before it's shown to the audience, before the exorcism scene.)
The wrap around section of the film, the main meat of the movie was fvcking ridiculous to top off all the inexcusably sh!tty side segments. I know these guys weren't portrayed as geniuses, but how exactly dumb are you that you show up to a house you were hired to to break into for one video tape, find a dead body, and everyone splits up and basically watches fvcked up home movies, and d!cks around, instead of just as a group, hauling all the tapes out at once? I feel like I had time stolen from me, and I want to cut it out of the directors and writers of this terrible film with a utility knife. This is sub-film student sh!t.