MovieChat Forums > The Girl Next Door (2008) Discussion > The movie makes the case why spanking IS...

The movie makes the case why spanking IS child abuse !

posted 14 years ago by JustMammal
53 replies | jump to latest

I always thought spanking (especially with any objects) was a form of physical and/or sexual abuse. Of course I am going to hear from "spare the rod, spoil the child" crowd that spanking is OK when it is deserved and is not abusive. But hitting anyone, especially a child is never deserved and all spanking are psychologically if not physically abusive! And often, spanking normalizes child abuse, as you can read in the abuser real testimony (from http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/notorious_murders/young/likens/15.html) :

"BANISZEWSKI: She would not do anything I told her, no.
NEW: She was disobedient?
BANISZEWSKI: She would not mind me, no.
NEW: Did you whip her for that?
BANISZEWSKI: I believe I testified I whipped her. Or tried to one time.
NEW: How many times was she disobedient to you?
BANISZEWSKI: I told you she would not mind me at all.
NEW: How many times.
BANISZEWSKI: I think I answered your question. I said she would not mind at all.
NEW: Ever?
BANISZEWSKI: Not that I can recall.
"

Some would say spanking is OK because it is in accordance to American traditions, but how many would say genital mutilation is OK in Africa if it is in accordance to African traditions ?! I'd say to stop any forms of physical abuse of children at both home and school NOW! Else we create a loophole for child abusers to gratify their sexual desires at the expense of innocent children.

And how would you ever prosecute a closeted pedophile parent who self-gratifies himself by spanking his children "for cause" without living permanent marks, unless you outlaw any forms of child spankings for any cause ?! There are other much better options to discipline the children. It's time for US to join the civilized world and outlaw child spanking !!

[–] selsiuss_49 12 years ago

I was spanked as a child, but never to the point that is shown in this movie. It was only ever a few whacks, never, ever more than five, and I'd say five is pushing it. Most of the time it was 3 spanks, max. I got spanked by my parents and my Elementary school Principal, but mostly the Principal(for not doing homework).

My parents stopped spanking me once I got older(and when the spanking was no longer a punishment, just an inconvenience), and moved on to non-violent punishments.

In total I would say that, throughout my life, I have only ever been spanked on 15-20 occasions, and that's being generous(don't have the best memory).

I don't consider myself an abused child. The spankings helped straighten me out sometimes. The fear of physical pain can get results faster than other punishments can.

Now what was my Principal supposed to do when I continually didn't do my homework? Send me home? "Woohoo! No school for me!" Give me time out? "Ok, I'll just sit here, then. At least I don't have to work." The fear of a guy 3 times my size whacking my butt with a huge(compared to me) paddle and giving me a pain so bad that it is physically impossible not to shoot jet-streams of tears out of my eyes and my butt feeling like it's been lit on fire with napalm surely got my to do my homework. Even if I was a Buddhist master of pain, in a child's body, pain will get results.

Now, the spankings as portrayed in this film, 20 whacks for no good reason and getting whipped with a rope, should never be administered as punishment.

Reasons for spanking should be:
Drinking Beer
Smoking
Doing Drugs
Striking or being sadistically mean to another person
Not doing homework
Pooping/Spreading poop on the floor/walls(it happens)
And stuff like that.

The parent should have a level head and only spank for the very few(let me stress FEW) occasions that call for it. It should never be a regular punishment or the child will be traumatized and may grow up to be sadistic and abusive.

Spanking should never be used for when a child is unruly or doesn't mind or breaks the house rules. Use other punishments, like no candy or ice cream, no tv, no games, no phone calls, no playing with friends, force them to stay in their room with no entertainment for a maximum of 1-2 hours, clean the house, do laundry, but never any physical punishments.

And for God's sake, NEVER be like Aunt Ruth!

[–] JustMammal 12 years ago

Well, a mark of advanced civilization is the abandonment of the physical violence in any form and for any reason. I've recently read how in the early18th century many prisons used to keep absolute control over their prisoners by whipping them enough to make it very painful but not to cause permanent physical harm.

I am sure many of psychopaths in today's prison that atack guards and other inmates would respond much better to a sound whipping than to the solitary confinement (especially since anti-social people have less need to "socialize" with other inmates). Yet are we going to resort to that kind of violence even on people who most deserve it? Then why do we keep inflicting it on our kids, even if (though that's a Big If) it has substantial utilitarian value?

Considering that children are physiologically much more sensitive to pain than adults, hitting them with a paddle or even a hand, may feel more painful to that little child than a bull whip striking an adult's back. And that's barbaric! A vestige of our violent past that is long overdue to be shead!

[–] Batmans_Striking_Coach 12 years ago

This thread is a joke.

[–] actionmanrandell 8 years ago

you are delusional.

[–] e-bowen2 12 years ago

I think people here are clearly missing the most important factor: OVERALL PARENTING. I have read examples of children who misbehave in school, etc. and the people telling these stories are blaming it on simply "lack of spankings" and I think that's frankly OBTUSE. I guarantee you a great amount of those children don't get proper parenting. If a parent neglects all their parental duties but spanks them, that means the child, in theory, will grow up properly? Get real.

And the person that said "If you want to have your kids grow up to be pussies..." I ask you, PLEASE do not ever breed, you'd likely make a terrible parent.

"What happened to the American dream?"
"It came true! You're looking at it!"

[–] JustMammal 12 years ago

That's right: I just finished reading the book on the Columbine School Massacre, and while more than 80% of the public, even to this day, primarily blame the parents (the perpetrators not even topping the list), one of the perpetrators, Eric Harris exhibited the signs of both the malevolent & tyrannical psychopathy (which are the types of psychopaths that are inclined towards violence)- and no amount of spanking would have erased these innate traits (if anything, spanking would have acerbated his psychopathy and considering his father was an army major I wouldn't be surprised if he was often spanked)

[–] Kenny_DK 12 years ago

Slapping my kid on the top of his head is the furthest I would go, spanking is just weird.

[–] JustMammal 12 years ago

My father used to do that. I did find it more physically abusive than hand spanking (head contains the body's most important organ) although spanking is more sexually abusive.

[–] Kenny_DK 12 years ago

Well not slapping hard, just so its like a pinch, anyway don't know why im talking about this, I don't have kids yet lol

[–] richnieh 12 years ago

Well, I truly don't know what is right or wrong about this topic. I don't think I will spank my children when I have any but my mother used to spank me with clothes hanger and bamboo sticks. Both really hurt a lot.

When I was 17, she hit me with wooden sticks (the bloom handle without the front part). Hmm...I came from Taiwan by the way, I think elder people in my country just simply hit kids as displinary method.

My mother is a very tough woman with a lot of pride but lately, I feel she is feeling sorry for her old behaviour...you know, after all the news about child abuse.

I don't have any scars on my body (probably because I am pretty well built) and I don't remember the pain but I do remember getting hit (my father used to kick me...). Funny that I never thought that was abusive and if I don't leave my country to come to the UK and just get married in Taiwan, I would probably hit my children like my parents and their parents do.

There are a lot of sad history in Taiwan with all the war since late 19th century so people there are pretty hard on childred. I think every country has different ways. However, I think if people nowadays hit their children like parents did to me back then, they will be filed for child abuse.

Honestly, with different time and country (or area of the country), things are different. Again, I won't do it but I will not judge if it is wrong or not.

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] bullpen_1 11 years ago

You're sitting here equating disciplinary spanking with TORTURE. Loving parents spank when all other methods have been exhausted...not to inflict extreme emotional and physical trauma...but to instill discipline. No loving parent 'likes' to spank, but there are circumstances where it is necessary. That said, spanking is often not even appropriate...or effective...with some kids. Some, on the other hand, most definitely need the occasional swat on the behind. But neither you or I...or the government for that matter...have any business butting in to a parent's decision whether or not to employ spanking UNLESS it can be demonstrated that some kind of abuse is being committed, rather than discipline.

Spanking is not abuse until it is. Either way, perspective is needed.

________________________________
You're right, no human being would stack books like this.

[–] iseemoviepeople 11 years ago

I am anti-spanking. I was never really spanked as a child except once by my grandmother when I was a toddler for going outside without permission, and I remember it being more embarrassing than painful.

Of course I wouldn't equate most parents who spank their children with Aunt Ruth. But the idea of spanking can mean anything from a few swats with the hand to a savage beating leaving the poor kid covered in welts. But the idea of acceptable physical punishment for a child varies greatly. So it's hard to talk about spanking when it can mean so many different things to many different people.

But I am unequivocally against using physical punishment to teach a child to behave. I know parents are trying to communicate "You did something bad, here's your punishment. Don't do it again or you'll be punished again." But it also can give a lot of strange messages to a child, such as that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflicts or that "I can do what I want because I'm bigger than you." Because than these kids know they can't express frustration at their parents, they may take it out on someone weaker who can't fight back like a younger sibling or pet.

Besides, positive punishment like spanking is only effective in stopping an IMMEDIATE behavior. For instance, grabbing a child roughly by the arm if they try to cross the street without looking. But it's not a way to teach a child how to resolve conflicts or deal with frustrations.

A STATEMENT IS IRRELEVANT UNLESS IT IS WRITTEN IN CAPS LOCK

[–] actionmanrandell 8 years ago

you are delusional. spanking in no way tells a cild it is acceptable to use violence solve conflict. i was spanked as a child and not once did i thin"oh you know what its ok to use violence to solve a conflict". as a child the only thought on my mine after being spanked was, why did i have to go and do what ever got me spanked. for example if i lied to my parents and got spanked on the butt, i wasn't thinking about anything other than"why did i have to lie to my parents" as i got older i got spanked less, not because my parents were getting older but because i didn't do anything to get in trouble as i got older. WHY? because i knew that if i did i would get smacked on the ass with a belt.

[–] shani_dayo 8 years ago

Spanking is not child abuse, it's a form of discipline so shut up. The way Ruth used it was inappropriate, and Ruth only spanked Meg's little sister once. The other things Ruth did were way worse.

[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] actionmanrandell 8 years ago

spanking is to much when you hit with enough force to the point they can not sit down. a slap on the ass with a belt isn't abuse never was never will be abuse