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So this girl invited me to her hotel room last night

posted 5 years ago by MovieBuff224 (5053)
150 replies | jump to latest

I’ve known her for years, we sort of “talked” and hung out for a bit at one point and then we fell out of touch for 5-6 years, during which time she got married, left town and started a new career.

She’s my age, 36 and although we shared a mutual attraction I never did seal the deal. She’s beautiful, I always regretted dropping the ball. I noticed on Instagram she reverted to her maiden name so I shot her a message, what the hell. Maybe this is part of god’s plan, unfinished business yada yada.

We chat a bit and she tells me she’s going through a tough time. As I suspected, marriage is failing/failed and she’s currently staying at a hotel. Invites me to come by and have a drink, and of course I immediately got excited and assumed this could be potentially a good opportunity for two consenting adults to have some fun.

As always, I didn’t get my hopes up because I’ve gone to several “hook ups” that didn’t materialize and been disappointed. I still put myself together nicely and took condoms and a bottle of wine.

She seemed pretty excited about me coming, said she was hopping in the shower. Several texts and phone calls later I arrived at around 8:00 pm. I go in, big hugs and smiles. I opened the bottle and poured a couple glasses as she finished blow drying her hair. We spent a good 20-30 minutes catching up, briefly touched on her marriage/breakup and what she was going through. She had bruises on her arm which I asked if they were from him and she said yes. She told me he had been abusive but I didn’t realize the extent or whether it had been verbal or physical.

As a friend I made sure to try and console her and let her get everything off of her chest, however I tried not to dwell on that too much as I wanted to take her mind off of that as I could see how devastated she was and wanted to cheer her up and alieviate some stress, I also didn’t want to be just a shoulder to cry on.

Once we had moved past that stuff we sat on her bed talking for an hour or two. I tried to feel it out and escalate if I could but we weren’t that close together and it’s obviously not easy to discretely get closer but there were a few instances where she layed down next to me to show me pictures on her phone, our faces were pretty close together but I didn’t feel comfortable enough making a move.

I had to work super early so I started to wrap things up around 11 and she tried to get me to stay while she went and got another bottle of wine, I didn’t want to be miserable for an 8 hour shift on the off chance I might get laid. I left on a good note and she wants to hang again, I guess I’m just wondering how to escalate next time/make a move? Should I be honest and up front with my intentions/feelings towards her or just play it cool until her divorce blows over? Or C. Should I just run in the opposite direction as it sounds like a sketchy situation?

[–] TexasJack (12515) 5 years ago

I don't understand what you're asking here. You had the green light and instead of hitting the gas, you turned off the engine and got out of the car.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Not exactly that simple, she wasn’t throwing herself at me or even teeing up the ball, it wasn’t as open and shut as I expected when I arrived. She was a wreck, I tried getting close and holding eye contact to go in for a kiss but it just wasn’t 100% there. Going in for it felt like too big of a risk.

[–] db20db (16575) 5 years ago

Lol, good analogy!

[–] Mrmojo4700 (20788) 5 years ago

Sometimes you just have to call in sick.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

True dat, ironically someone else did otherwise I would’ve.

[–] TalkinPikchorBox (2250) 5 years ago

What this guy is leaving out is, the girl was really a hooker and he was completely broke. All the other words in this stooooory is just mumbo jumbo filler to keep you all distracted.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

I wish she was a hooker, save me time and $

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

Have you tried Tinder?

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Yes, along with every other online dating app absolutely horrible. Half of the girls don’t even use their tinder account and the ones who do check it have hundreds of messages and can’t possibly respond to all or any of them.

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

Almost every woman I've ever known has gone from one man to another. Almost. Still, I'm talking about 80%. It seems like a psychological imperative. In my view, women soothe heartache with companionship, frequently another man, while men suffer in solitude.
Look, what I'm saying is - you might as well go for it.

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

It depends what you’re after: -
1. You want a serious relationship - then keep being a friend. Let her get through the divorce because there’s no way you want to get caught up in that train wreck. Once the dust has settled, see how things develop.
2. You just want a shag - in which case, do your best Speedy Gonzales impression and shout, “¡Arriba, arriba! ¡Ándale, ándale!” and ride her all the way to Mexico and back.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Definitely just a shag, what’s your best genuine advice for that route?

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

Wait a few days, make contact, meet up and then go for it - there’s really only two outcomes at that point.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

She’s already blowing me up today. Several texts and a call.

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

Then what are you waiting for?

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

I just don’t want to be used

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

Really?

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

I mean as a shoulder to cry on, not for sex. I’ll happily be used for sex lol.

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

Well, there’s only one way to find out.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

You’re right, what do I have to lose

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

Go for it!

[–] zephyr_cape (2979) 5 years ago

LOL, Moviebuff... YOU don't want to be used?

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

🤷‍♂️

[–] Gubbio (3893) 5 years ago

I'll never understand people pouring out all their personal business on an anonymous message board -- same as they do on Facebook. ( I don't do Facebook, but I've heard stories.) I can't figure out if they're bored, looking for attention, or just don't know any better. It's a little sad. 🙄

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

That’s the whole point, it’s anonymous and I can potentially get helpful advice. Nothing to do with looking for attention or being bored. Nothing I’ve disclosed is embarrassing or personal enough to be considered risky.

[–] mikethemartian (6299) 5 years ago

I don’t put my personal life on Facebook but I can understand people wanting to talk to someone else about what they are experiencing in life.

[–] ProductionNow (1072) 5 years ago

[deleted]

[–] BuckSwope (3511) 5 years ago

While talking to her laying in bed, take your penis out and start masturbating. She'll get the message.

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

That made me laugh more than it should.

[–] BuckSwope (3511) 5 years ago

To drive the point home, exclaim "I know it's pretty baby, but it didn't come out for air".

[–] Mrmojo4700 (20788) 5 years ago

One of those magical moments, no doubt. Lol

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

If he’s not well endowed, just add, “it may not be much, but it’s enough to fill a pushchair.”

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Haha

[–] Otter (24464) 5 years ago

Okay, she's been beaten up and treated like shit by the last man, and may be in a bad financial situation. Sometimes people end up living in hotels because they cant scrape together the deposit needed to get an apartment.

There's good odds that right now, she never wants a man to touch her again.

Or not, maybe she needs a decent guy more than anything in the world, but are you that guy? You just want to get laid.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Yeah, she knows me and can trust me, so if she is interested in casual sex I’ve got a foot in the door but she said last night that I was a sweetheart. Not exactly what you want to hear from a girl you’re trying to nail.

[–] zephyr_cape (2979) 5 years ago

Forget about the nailing. Be the sweetheart. That actually is a good thing to hear. Anything good that's meant to happen between you will happen without forcing or trying or fretting or strategizing.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Lol how is that a good thing? Girls are not attracted to nice guys.

[–] Otter (24464) 5 years ago

Well, she's just learned to stay away from the bad boys, right?

And it's my observation that if girls arent attracted to "nice guys", it's because so many of them aren't actually nice. They just fake nice as long as they think they can get laid.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

That’s bullshit that has absolutely nothing to do with why they aren’t attracted to nice guys. They are hardwired to find assholes attractive due to the conflating of apathy and arrogance with genuine social value and leadership/dominance.

[–] Otter (24464) 5 years ago

Is that response genuinely nice? Is any of your behavior here genuinely nice? Are you at all concerned about her physical, psychological, or financial situation?

If not, do rethink all your beliefs about "nice guys", including calling yourself one.

[–] bohemianroxie (2471) 5 years ago

Otter, you are completely right..but based on this and other posts I don't trust his instincts or intuition.
If he's complaining that women don't like nice guys then he shouldn't have a problem.

[–] Otter (24464) 5 years ago

That poor woman. Here she needs to recover from all this abuse and put a new life together, and this guy is asking the internet how to finally get into her pants.

[–] bohemianroxie (2471) 5 years ago

Exactly..thank you for all your posts saying exactly what I was thinking.
And you're right...that poor woman..She thinks she's talking to a old acquaintance/friend; she's been through some bad times, obviously, and all he's concerned with is "nailing her".
What are all these complaints from this guy about women and nice guys? How would he know?

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

^This.

[–] mikethemartian (6299) 5 years ago

I can honestly say that I have always been sincere with women and I’m not a guy going around trying to get laid and I have lived a lonely life.

[–] zephyr_cape (2979) 5 years ago

The duality of nice guy cuck/alpha Chad who fucks is not a real thing. That whole outlook that girls don't like "nice guys" is a self defeating myth rooted in lack of self love and perpetuated by the insecure. What even is a "nice guy"? Love is what matters more than anything in this world, and the best sex comes from love. Forget about nailing and become love itself. Things will happen for you naturally as a side effect of that.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Sorry I have abundant evidence that this is simply not true. Nice guys are all over, they are men who were raised by selfish women and or beta men to treat women not just with respect, which would be ok by itself, but to worship the ground they walk on. Ie the white knights you see all over the internet.

[–] zephyr_cape (2979) 5 years ago

Things in reality are not always so black and white. Yes the archetypes exist, but there's every shade imaginable. The more you focus on those concepts, the more your experience will congeal into a reflection of that and it will become reality for you. But if you can forget about what you think you know, move on from identifying and grasping for things, and find out what love is, you'll find that the illusions fall away and you will be taken care of.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Thanks, that’s sound advice. I hope you’re right.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

And ^This.

Nice try, Zephyr, but this guy is never going to get it.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

Well, considering she is leaving a somewhat abusive relationship, she's probably not in the best place emotionally and might be exhibiting some self destructive behaviour, go ahead, "nail her". But, then stop complaining that you cant get past the flirting stage.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

What would banging a chick who is more than likely looking for rebound sex have to do with my struggle to get past flirting?

[–] Otter (24464) 5 years ago

Oh dear. You really dont understand what a nice guy actually is!

FYI someone who was actually nice would be asking her if she has a job, and if she's physically safe from the abusive guy, if she needs help getting a job, a good lawyer, a permanent or semi-permanent home, etc. Niceness isnt a lack of alpha behavior, it's a genuine concern for other people's welfare, which, dude... is a bit lacking in your reports of this situation.

Sure, you're behaving better than her last man, but you arent being a "nice guy", you're being selfish. She deserves better than someone who is asking the internet how to nail her.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

All I can do is once again say, ^This, and thank you.

He has not a clue what a nice guy really is. It's NOT someone who *pretends* to be a nice guy as a manipulation to get their wants met. That and being a nice guy are mutually exclusive.

A real nice guy is authentic and has strength of character. That's what women want.

[–] Otter (24464) 5 years ago

Let me put the whole question in the simplest possible terms:

A lot of people (including women) are attracted to genuine niceness, and a lot of people are attracted to genuine badassery. But if anyone anywhere responds to fake niceness done for selfish ends, they don't respond for long.

And with that, I'm out of here for today.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

I’m not fake nice, you just presume that because I said I want to sleep with her. I’m objectively nice regardless of what I want, and in this case there’s nothing manipulative or selfish about my behavior all things considered.

[–] Daggerboard (581) 5 years ago

Nice guys don't sleep around with heartbroken gals. If you want her, marry her. If you want friendship, be a friend. If you want neither, move on and find something of worth to do with your time on this Earth.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

No straight male would not have expected or at least tried to get laid if a beautiful girl invited him to her hotel room for a drink.

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

No argument here

[–] Daggerboard (581) 5 years ago

I never said an invite to a hotel room doesn't have implications. What I said was nice guys don't take advantage of desperate gals, no matter how tempting.

[–] actionkamen (23176) 5 years ago

He's not THAT nice.

[–] mikethemartian (6299) 5 years ago

So I have personal experience in this. I met a woman and realized she was living in a house without utilities and where the guy “renting” to her didn’t even own the house and was selling drugs out of it and his customers would just stay in the house while they used. I paid to put her in hotels so she could have a place to live, bought her health insurance, tried to help her get her teeth fixed, get her straight with the law, help her buy food and gifts to take to her kids when she visited them at child services, get her mental health counseling, pay for school, etc. I spent a lot of time and money trying to help her and the only thing I received in return was her contempt. She just went straight back to the same style of living I found her in. All the effort was a waste.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

IMO no act of kindness is ever wasted. BUT, if her response was contempt rather than appreciation, it would have been wise to pull the plug on that earlier.

[–] mikethemartian (6299) 5 years ago

One of the mistakes I made was bailing her out of jail. Once I did I was responsible for her until she was arrested again.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

How were you responsible for her?? We're all only responsible for ourselves. Do you mean legally, or am I missing something else?

[–] mikethemartian (6299) 5 years ago

Legally as I understood it.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

I don't know anything about the legalities of bailing someone out of jail, but it doesn't seem right that someone who does that should be held legally responsible for the person they bailed.

[–] chilone (17417) 5 years ago

I'm sorry but doing all that stuff for her has desperate sucker written all over it. There's a reason she was in that situation and people like that can't (or more likely, don't want to) be fixed. They have to lift themselves up.

[–] mikethemartian (6299) 5 years ago

Your absolutely correct but loneliness is a strong motivator.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

"There's a reason she was in that situation and people like that can't (or more likely, don't want to) be fixed. They have to lift themselves up."

That is correct. Helping people is great, but they have to want to be helped, and most of all they have to want to help themselves.

Where Mike went wrong was in not bailing as soon as he sensed a lack of appreciation and in its place, contempt.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

If you don't really understand the difference between a chick looking for rebound sex and a vulnerable woman who is essentially homeless (staying in a hotel), who just left most of her possessions and her whole life behind while leaving a possibly abusive relationship, then I have to say that there is a reason that those other women don't get past the flirting stage with you.

[–] mikethemartian (6299) 5 years ago

If she is truly a vulnerable woman trying to get back on track then she needs to move back in with family or a halfway house. I’ve dealt with people who live in these extended stay hotels because they are unable to rent a less expensive apartment because of their credit or criminal backgrounds. They are not good places to live if someone is trying to go straight.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Believe me I do but I don’t think I’ve given the full story here, she has made it pretty clear that she has an equal part in the current mess. Not saying she deserved to be hit but I don’t think she’s the innocent battered woman I might have led you to believe.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

Maybe she's not all innocent in the situation with her husband, but you don't want to be a shoulder to cry on, you just want to get laid. I stand by what I've said in the past. You don't get to complain about women not wanting you because you're a nice guy.

[–] Otter (24464) 5 years ago

Really, it he'd just accept that he's not a "nice guy", then he might begin to understand how his relationships with women really work.

But some guys seem to think there's some sort of duality at play, a man is either a testosterone-fueled badass or a nice guy, and if he's not a badass then he must be nice. But there are infinite shades of personality at play, the majority of whom are neither nice nor bad, same as with women.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

I find that's a problem with so many things. Especially politics. There are so many places on the graph one can be. It's a shame really.

[–] zephyr_cape (2979) 5 years ago

Buy into the meme and your life becomes the meme.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

No I don’t, I know there is a spectrum for everything. But I know for a fact girls are turned off by guys who are too nice and do not provide them with enough of a challenge.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

But I do because I’ve had girls who were 100% attracted to me only to gradually lose interest when they discovered I was a genuinely good guy and not an asshole who they had to "fix.” Girls are invariably attracted to assholes, you know it and I know it. I was raised right and have a strong moral compass. I treat everyone kindly, and trying to bang a chick who’s fresh off a break up does not negate all of this and put me in an entirely different category, sorry. I’m still nicer and more respectful than 99% of the population and I’m usually the one who gets taken advantage of.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

If girls are attracted at assholes, that would mean that every single one of the married men that I know, are assholes. Every guy I've ever dated is an asshole. I'm not buying it.

You are correct that people in general don't want some who doesn't excite them in some way. No one enjoys being bored. The idea that girls like assholes or guys who treat them like shit, in my humble opinion, has been perpetuated by men who treat women like shit.

You keep telling us that you are nicer than 99% of the population but your attitudes expressed in these posts tell a different story. It's not that wanting casual sex makes you a bad person, not in my books anyway, it's how you are going about it and what you write about women. If you really believe what you are saying, how do you really present yourself to women? Maybe take some time and really consider that if you truly want a relationship.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

I never said all men were assholes. Most men are not assholes. Women date/sleep with assholes throughout their teens and 20s then finally when they’ve had enough they settle down with a nice guy to pay for all their shit and give them children and give the outward appearance of a stable adult life.

Is this what happens 100% of the time? Of course not, there are plenty of happily married couples who don’t fit this description, but there’s a healthy percentage that do. I’m not sure how anyone can deny this.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

You have said that women are attracted to assholes. So either every woman that I know who is married is married to someone they aren't attracted to, or they are married to assholes. Or at the very least men who treat them poorly and sell dime bags out of their mom's basement.

I will also say, that if you really are a "nice guy" like you say, you wouldn't have to tell people over and over that you are a nice guy. Also, here you go generalizing again about women who want a man to pay for everything and give them kids. Not all of them, but most and don't deny it. This is your attitude. You have expressed it again and again here. Please stop questioning why you are single

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

I never said ALL girls are attracted to assholes, just most. And who they marry isn’t necessarily who they are initially attracted to. Why is this such a difficult concept?

Look around you, a LARGE percentage of women marry for money/security and guys that don’t match the description of most of the men they’ve dated.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

There is a fine line between all and most when it comes to generalizing about a group of people.

It's not a difficult concept to understand that someone doesn't necessarily marry the type of person they found attractive as a teenager. I don't really understand your point with all of this.

You are in your 30s. I'm assuming that the women you are trying to date/hook up with/marry are around your age. Is that a fair assumption?

If it is, stop talking about what women want when they are teenagers.

I can also let you in on a little secret. Women are capable of earning our own money. We don't need a man for that. We don't even need a man to have a baby as we can do that medically if we want. From the women whom I've spoken to, and I'm not saying that it's all women or even most, what they want is a partner. An equal partner who's goals for the future align with theirs. They also want someone that they want to grow old with. Someone who stimulates their minds as well as their bodies.

You've said 'I’ve had girls who were 100% attracted to me only to gradually lose interest when they discovered I was a genuinely good guy and not an asshole who they had to "fix.” '. Perhaps it wasn't that you were a nice guy that made them lose interest.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

I am well aware that women are capable of earning their own money. Many of them do, more so than ever before there are dual income households and single financially independent women well into their 30s.

None of this makes my observations untrue or any less real. You can’t just turn a blind eye to obvious trends and say “sorry you’re wrong that doesn’t happen” because you are not a single male and it doesn’t effect you.

And yes, my being “too nice” is the only common denominator in most of my failures. If a guy doesn’t have enough game or doesn’t give signs that he has some sort of edge, they naturally lose interest.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

I've never said "sorry you're wrong that doesn't happen". What I've said is that you should focus on yourself. Quite a few times now, and you continually blame women for your luck with them. I've suggested looking for a different type of woman. You've blamed women. (and the guy selling dime bags). You keep saying over and over again that you are a nice guy yet you blame women for not wanting you. A few suggestions have been made by a number of posters of what you could try, and your response was to still blame women.

I repeat once again that perhaps this is the reason that women aren't interested for the long haul.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

You’ve really only responded to my observations with vague suggestions like “focus on you” and basically just deflecting them and insisting the problem is with me.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

Focus on you is not a vague suggestion.

Also, the problem is with you. It's not just your attitude, which doesn't help, but it is also the women who you are attracted to. If you are constantly wanting women who don't seem to be wanting to be with you, then it is your problem. You cannot control the likes and desires of others, so you have to control yours. You are not controlling yours, you are blaming everyone else.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

I realize I can’t change people’s personal tastes, I’m simply venting that it is bullshit that they are turned off by this.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

And you are still blaming instead of looking in the mirror to see if you might change something

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

What are you talking about??

Yoy are suggesting it is my fault that I’m too nice?

Or better yet implying that this is not the reason that I have seen them first hand lose interest because of?

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

I am suggesting that you are in control of your situation and you refuse to take any sort of responsibility that your dating life is not to your liking.

It's not your fault because you are "too nice". I'm really beginning to doubt that your niceness is sincere, and that could be a problem.

Stop lumping all women together with what we want in a man. If you really want to know what women want, try getting to know what the person you are interested wants, and stop blaming everyone but yourself when something doesn't work out.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

Also, you are 36. By your logic, if you are such a nice guy, women should be wanting you now for all the reasons you've listed that women settle down with nice guys.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Most women over 30 are married. Most women over 28 actually.

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

What is the status on the situation now? Did you or didn't you?

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

Yeah! We need to know. Full disclosure!

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

It didn’t happen when I went, just chilled and drank a bottle of wine and let her vent. I had one glass because I had to work early, she had 3. Provided a friendly ear. She wanted me to stay and drink another bottle with her but I left because I didn’t want to be miserable the next day. She wants me to come back and hang again, gonna play it by ear.

[–] Otter (24464) 5 years ago

I will tell you, I'm old, and I've seen a lot of life and human nature and people ruining their lives with bad choices, but one thing I have NOT seen a lot of is women being attracted to assholes. "Women are invariably attracted to assholes" is one of those comforting lies people tell themselves when they cant face the truth, like "They criticize my work because they envy my genius, not because my work sucks!". So if women dont go for you, it's probably because you ARE an asshole, and not because you arent. Because again, asking the internet how to nail this woman is a dick move.

I think I'm done with you. You dont seem to have a lot of emotional intelligence, or to grasp that how we see ourselves is very different from how other people see us. And that sometimes it's the other people who are right.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

You’re done with me because I have a different opinion? My eq is actually pretty high, I’m a sensitive guy. If you truly possessed the high powered perception and age old wisdom you claim to have you would know exactly what I’m talking about. Most women over 30 do not like assholes. They are still attracted to many of their qualities but they know better and most would not date them. I’m talking about girls 16-30. After this their biological clock is ticking loudly and they seek out a good provider and stability.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

Your many threads prove your EQ is not high. People are telling you over and over again that how you perceive yourself is contradicted by the attitudes you express in your posts. But you don't want to hear it, or even consider it.

"Because again, asking the internet how to nail this woman is a dick move."

Otter is right, it is a dick move. Jesus, just own it, learn from it, and move on instead of getting defensive, deflecting, and shifting the blame to others.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Ok, let’s say for argument’s sake you’re right, I have a low eq and it’s a “dick move” attempting to sleep with an attractive, newly single girl who invited me to her hotel room for a drink and who I share a mutual attraction and dating history with. Never mind that you really have no idea what kind of emotional state she is in nor how "fragile” or vulnerable she actually is for me to be “taking advantage of.” That still does not change my point that up to a certain age, a good majority of women tend to gravitate towards men who display a pattern of behavior consistent with being an asshole.

Neither does it make my experience with them losing interest in me upon discovering that I do not possess these traits when all other contributing factors have been ruled out.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

First, what Otter said and I agreed with was you posting on the internet asking how to nail this woman was a dick move, and it is. Once again you're deflecting.

You're also taking out of the equation (because it serves you) she's freshly out of an abusive relationship and that's why she's living in a hotel. She didn't invite you over for a drink, you brought the bottle of wine. "We sort of “talked” and hung out for a bit at one point." This is how you described your earlier relationship. That's not dating. I have no idea why you put "talked" in quotes. Why did you?

You've told us she was "a wreck," had just gotten out of an abusive marriage (presumably she's not yet divorced, so characterising her as "newly single" is misleading), and was going through a rough time. That's more than enough info for us (and you) to know what kind of emotional state she's in, and her level of vulnerability.

"That still does not change my point that up to a certain age, a good majority of women tend to gravitate towards men who display a pattern of behavior consistent with being an asshole."

That's not a point, it's your belief, and you're trying to hold onto it with all of your might, despite it being one of the sources of your problem. It's self-defeating.

"Neither does it make my experience with them losing interest in me upon discovering that I do not possess these traits when all other contributing factors have been ruled out."

Having a low EI, coupled with a very strong resistance to look at yourself and see how you're factoring into what's happened in the past, lead me to think all other contributing factors have not been ruled out.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

No, she invited me over literally to drink in her words. The wine was my idea.

There are other contributing factors, of course. But the only one that is consistent is my “nice guy” curse.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

I've decided that they have to be trolling us. Either that or they are just too stubborn to take any responsibility for their situation in romance. Regardless of them nailing this woman or not, they refuse to acknowledge any underlying issues that could be contributing to their disappointments which leads them to blame women for their woes.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

I've started to wonder if he's trolling us too. One thing's for sure, it's either one or the other scenario.

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

At first I’d try to present some reasoned argument as to why history was repeating itself, which turned out to be a futile exercise. So now I’ve gone the other way and totally embraced it. Coming soon, my post asking if he’s banged / nailed / destroyed her yet.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

"Coming soon, my post asking if he’s banged / nailed / destroyed her yet."

😂

[–] AndyKing1967 (35149) 5 years ago

I just hope everyone realises that it’s a reverse troll strategy and that I’m not being serious.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

I have to admit, at first I wondered what you'd done with Andy 😄

[–] TalkinPikchorBox (2250) 5 years ago

I got it! 👍😁

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

Your thread I got immediately 😄

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Wtf are you talking about, do you even listen? I just said it is by far the only consistent factor in all of my failures. Situations where literally nothing else went wrong, the girl was all about me. What is so difficult about this concept for you?

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

I'm going to channel Kowalski here

THE ONLY CONSISTENT FACTOR WAS YOU! WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT THAT CONCEPT FOR YOU?

[–] Mrmojo4700 (20788) 5 years ago

Lmao 😂

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

This is why I think you might be trolling. I am not saying that to be funny, or even to insult you, but if you can't understand that the only constant in all of your relationships is you, it's no wonder you have been completely glossing over any bit of advice that any of the posters on here who have tried to offer you.

So please, don't try to grow as a person, don't try to look at your own behaviour when things start to fail and wonder what you could have done differently, and certainly don't stop blaming every partner who has left you, and blaming every other woman for those relationships that haven't worked. I think you might be able to stay single and bitter for a very long time.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

Great post(s), but save it for when MovieBuff posts again :). I think Mrmojo was applauding you 🙌

[–] Mrmojo4700 (20788) 5 years ago

Indeed I was. 👍

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

😊

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

Well. That was just a little harsh.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

I'm not sure if you read the rest over the conversation I have been having with them. I don't mean to be harsh, but they keep deflecting every suggestion and continuing to put the blame on women. I really, honestly, only wanted to help, but if one cannot take on some of the blame when relationships fail or when no one wants a relationship with us, then how are we ever to move forward?

Whatever harshness that was there was borne of frustration of them telling me that I'm not understanding that it's always the woman's fault.

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

Oh I'm not implying that he didn't deserve it lol. He doesn't get that when it seems like literally everyone is an ass... they aren't the problem ;-)
I have to say tho, he takes criticism well. But maybe not cut so close to the bone to make the point?

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

Sometimes, after you've exhausted all other routes, the only one left is tough love.

Unless he's trolling, in which case, what difference does it make?

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

He seems pretty nonchalant after posting fairly sensitive articles, doesn't he? It makes me wonder.

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

LOL, yeah he does.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

[deleted]

[–] TalkinPikchorBox (2250) 5 years ago

I've decided that they have to be trolling us.

If I’m part of “they”...you get my thread was poking fun at this thread?

[–] Catbookss (13664) 5 years ago

I suspect she changed to using "they" because with a troll, who knows if it's actually a he or she.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

^ this

[–] TalkinPikchorBox (2250) 5 years ago

Makes sense...gotcha.

[–] sslssg (30701) 5 years ago

I did, and I hope you caught that my responses were jokes as well.

[–] TalkinPikchorBox (2250) 5 years ago

WHAT? I just bought the boxset of The Golden Girls. 🤣 crappola

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

Lol

[–] mikethemartian (6299) 5 years ago

The two women that meant the most to me in my life were both very well educated, very intelligent progressive women. I worked with them about ten years apart. I’m a pretty mild mannered guy but they would talk to me about respect for women but they didn’t have any problem with guys we worked with who were openly disrespectful women.

[–] MovieBuff224 (5053) 5 years ago

Exactly, thank you a voice of reason