My first nomination - when the well-to do-lady lodges a complaint about Scanlon repeatedly trying to hit on her. After telling Barney and Wojo about this, she asks : "He does belong to you, doesn't he?"
Wojo, nodding and smiling : "He, uh, does now..."
In one episode, Wojo asks Barney why some men are homosexual. Barney's response is typically non-committal.
"Oh, it could be any number of things. Maybe..."
"Too many carbohydrates?"
Mooshie, mooshie, mooshie.
shareDon't recall the name of the episode but it was when they were protecting a witness who was to testify in a mob trial(Marty had taken a shine to him). During the episode, they order sandwiches and when they arrive, Wojo starts eating when a second batch of sandwiches arrive. They rush Wojo to the hospital to get his stomach pumped(the first batch of sandwiches ended up being laced with arsenic) and Barney gets an idea to use this in the press and tells the press that the man they were protected died from arsenic poisoning which the newspapers publish. After reading the article, the phone rings and Barney can't get a word in edgewise trying to tell the person that the guy really wasn't dead, and the rest of it goes something like:
Dietrich(?): Who's that, his mother?
Barney(shaking his head no): Marty.
It's one of those scenes you have to see to get the humor. As for the hash brownies episode, one of the funniest scenes is when they figure out what the brownies were, Barney hands Harris the box telling him to have them analyzed and Harris starts eating them. Classic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiCoLlHaVck
"I think they got hash in 'em, Barney."
That whole scene is great, when Barney tells Harris to go home until he feels better and Har says, "I'll go home, but I ain't never gonna feel any better". And Fish, something like, "first time in years I feel this good and it's illegal. ". Nick, "Barney, let's go down to the beach and shoot some clams." Lugar singing. Freakin' classic, my favorite episode.
Ok, I got one. When the werewolf guy is frustrated that no one believes him, he turns to Fish as he walked by and yells "I'm a werewolf dammit, don't you understand?" Fish smiles and responds "How are ya?" Then the guy looks at Barney with a wtf look on his face.
Never underestimate the genius of our beloved warrior, Michael Jackson! 1958 -
We watched Quarantine Part 2 last night and the scene where Harris is talking in his sleep (they're all around the room sleeping on cots) is just hilarious. He starts out saying stuff like "I don't want to go to work today, it's hot and dirty." And then he says "Man, get outta that bathroom!", says the coffee is terrible and calls Nick lazy, he says Barney's a "compassionate turkey" and says something about "Lock up all them crazy muthas!" about the people that they come into contact with that Barney tries to help. Part of the hilarity is his delivery and part of it is the reactions of everyone else. We were busting our guts. I re-watched that scene three times.
shareThere is a diplomat in the squad to resolve an issue with a Russian who wants to defect.
Just as he is about to leave, Detrecht asks him if he ever sees the President.
Dip: Yes. I'm going to Washington tomorrow.
D: Tell him Arthur says "Hi."
Dip: Arthur who?
D: He'll know.
Dip to Nick: Who is that man?
Nick: We dunno.
First off, to Benbo, the bazooka scene is from 'Wojo's Girl" Pt. One.
My brother's & I still love that moment.
====================
Here's my all time favorite from Scanlon and Harris :
From "Chinatown ~ Part 1" (Feb. 4th, 1982)
Lt. Ben Scanlon : Hi-ya, Harris! How's everything in Funkytown?"
Det. Ron Harris [in heavy stereo-type tone] : Oh, dey fine, dey fine!
........
FISH (We all know this one, he's on the phone) :
"I realize Bernice, this is the first time since our
marriage that we've slept apart." The change will do us both good."
...........
Barney : "We all think you're a beautiful cop." (Leaves on a call.)
Wentworth (Linda lavin)[looks out door] : "What time do want dinner?"
............
From 'Graft' !
Wojo : Hey, Barney? If a police officer loses his badge,
does he report it to his superior or just wait 'til somebody turns it in?
Barney : He reports it to his superior officer.
Wojo : .... I lost my badge.
...........
'Ambush'
Fish: Did they tell you why they need a new chief of police?
Barney: The old chief passed away.
Fish: He died of boredom. He was sitting behind his desk one
day, in his office, when a guy who was bored came in and shot him.
............
'Heat Wave'
Wojo: I got a look at him, and I'll know him when I see him again 'cause I marked him.
Barney: You shot him?
Wojo: I bit him in the neck!
...............
' Protection'
Wojo: What's going to happen to this city if the police go out of business?
Fish: Crime will run rampant. There will be chaos in the streets. People
will live in fear behind locked doors and it will be every man for himself.
Yemana : That's the way it is now.
Go for it or just be a gopher!
(MR.) happipuppi13 🐕 *arf,man!*
Harris has no choice but to bunk up with Deitrich. He describes what it's like living with him to Barney. He says something like, "He grows wheat."
I think my all time favorite one is with a blind shoplifter, who was a very funny character. He is describing what he thinks of Nick based on his other 4 senses. He goes on with stuff like, "Dependable, loyal, wise, etc." and then finishes with, "Either that or your Japanese." and in response, Nick drops his cigarette. LMAO big time!
In "Examination Day," when Barney gets mad at Luger for being overly rough with a suspect:
Barney: "Inspector, you violated that man's civil rights!"
Luger: "Ah, don't give me that legalese bunk, will you..."
Barney: "It is not bunk, dammit! It's the law! And we of all people have to uphold it! No matter what your personal opinion happens to be."
I just watched that one tonight.
And that really cinches it.
Now I can't stand that A-Hole Luger.
Damn, I'm good.
The episode about the man who thinks he is a werewolf afforded Jack Soo some very funny moments and lines. When the prisoner starts "turning into a werewolf" and his tongue begins to flick in and out and he starts climbing the bars of the jail and howling, Nick is truly freaked out:
Yemana: Baarneee, Baarneee!
Yemana: Down, boy
Barney: What the hell is going on in here? This is a police station, not a horror film!
Yemana: Look at him, he's growing hair on his face.
Barney: It's called a beard. Haven't you ever seen one?
Yemana: Not in my family.
Jack Soo was the best.
Another "you-had-to-see-it" scene.
Haven't seen this episode in years. It's the one where a guy's wife gets stuck in an elevator with (I believe) a perpetrator of some crime. The guy is freaking out because he sure his irresistible, sexy wife will be raped by the perp. When the occupants are finally rescued from the elevator, they are brought into the squad room. Everyone stares in utter disbelief when the hot, bombshell wife is revealed to be a drab, frumpy middle-aged woman.
The guy says something to the effect of: "Who could resist her?!"
--stunned silence continues--
Yamana: "I could... but don't go by me."
Jack Soo's deadpan timimg had me rolling on the floor.
You know, there are many places where nudity and the exhibition of the female body are not only considered respectable but are even revered.
Dietrich: My place, for one.